He had all these pictures, see? There was one of him playing basketball, one of him laughing over something someone apparently said just out of frame at a nice dinner out, one of him paddling a canoe, taken from the bow. They made it seem like he had interests. Like he had a life. Like he had friends.
Fast-forward nine weeks into our relationship, and we haven't done anything but hang out at his house and watch Netflix. He recites dialogue along with sci-fi classics, which is funny the first time, but then you realize he isn't doing it to be funny. For him, this is like reading along with the liturgist at church.
We haven't been hiking, we haven't been out to dinner, and watching him fumble with the DVD remote control, I'm starting to seriously doubt he's a regular at pick-up basketball games.
So I ask him. "Hey, Tim," I say, all casual-like, "do you want to maybe go camping this weekend?"
He can't. His back.
"How about tomorrow night I take you out to eat?"
He can't. His food allergies.
"Well, when do you think I might meet some of your friends?"
He pauses the DVD. Harrison Ford as Deckard is frozen with an expression of alarm, like he knows what's coming. "This is about my Jdate photos, isn't it?"
"No, I just... well... Maybe a little. You just seemed so active from your profile. How come we never do any of that stuff?"
"Fake," he says. "All fake."
"What do you mean, 'fake?'" I ask. Who took the pictures for you?"
"I took them myself. I didn't want to go the hold-the-camera-at-arm's-length route, though--I thought I'd come off better if it seemed like someone else took them."
"I took my Sunpack Flexpod Gripper mini-tripod to a restaurant, I ordered enough food to make it look like a big group dinner, I pretended to talk to someone seated off-camera, and there you go. It was easy. The Flexpod makes a great tabletop tripod, actually."
"But... canoeing? Basketball?"
"Yeah, that was a busy day. Paddling a canoe is a pain in the kiester, I'll tell you that. But the photography part was a cinch. The Flexpod can bend to fit almost anywhere. I wrapped it around one of the thwarts and took that photo in about three seconds. Basketball was harder. I can't dribble worth a turd. It took a long time to get that shot."
"So... you really don't have any friends at all?"
"Oh, I wouldn't say that. I consider the Flexpod a pretty good friend. It helped me score with you. Name another wing man with the patience to take almost three hundred photos of his buddy in hopes of getting one where it doesn't look like the aforementioned buddy is having an epileptic fit. Plus I can play WAR OF THE WORLDS with it."
"I... I just don't understand how you could do such a thing."
"Simple! I play myself, and the Flexpod pretends to be one of the Martian tripods."
Warranty: One Year Tocad
The gripping tripod that is lightweight, flexible and compact
Bend it, stretch it, wrap it around almost anything
Perfect companion for compact digital cameras
Triangulated segments with gripping teeth for maximum gripping power
Aluminum core legs for added support and gripping ability
Thermoplastic elastomer leg coverings
Multi-directional ball head and quick release plate for super-fast setup
Self-leveling feet for added stability on uneven terrain
Perfect for outdoor photography
Can be used as a tabletop tripod
Weight: Less than 4 oz
Load capacity: 16 oz maximum, based on how tripod is used
Head type: Ball Head
Quick Release: Four position plate with 1/4"-20 screw
As this reviewer was seated at Bymar's, the newest potionerie to join the Nether Side's hopping enchanted-cuisine scene, I could tell I was in for something memorable. Whether those memories would be good or bad was, at that point, an open question. An ambience best described as "accursed Applebee's" didn't do much for the appetite, and I could only hope that those creatures flitting through the shadows were mere mortal cockroaches.
But those quibbles were happily put to rest with the arrival of the house specialty, the Dangerous Concoction. The vivid color of underripe quince, or the ectoplasm of a morally ambiguous ghost, this steaming pot of Ba'al-knows-what was just the thing to chase away the gloom of a dread autumn night - and replace it with an even deeper, more delicious gloom. Tendrils of eldritch spirit-flame strained to take on corporeal life while well-considered notes of dill and henbane kept things interesting. If the servers can remember that water glasses need refilling every once in a while - or if the management invests in some magical ever-replenishing glasses - Bymar's could have a future as bright as the Dangerous Concoction's supernatural glow.
But whatever you do, don't try the frog's legs. I did, and was repulsed to discover midway through that they used to belong to a guy I went to high school with.
Wear this shirt: if you have that bumper sticker that says MY OTHER CAR IS A BROOM.
Don't wear this shirt: if you're just going to spill eye of newt all over it.
This shirt tells the world: "I eat demons like you for breakfast."
We call this color: Bubble, Bubble, Toil And Black.
Design Placement: Centered
3X - S: 9.33" x 18" WXL - K4: 6.73" x 13"
Please check our <a title="http://www.woot.com/SizingChart.htm" href="http://www.woot.com/SizingChart.htm" class="modalPopUp sizingchart">sizing chart</a> before you order. The Woot Tee follows a classic closer-fitting style. If you prefer a baggier look, order a larger size. If there is not a larger size, consider starting a belly-hanging-out trend.
From "staycations" to "permalancers", there are many new ways to keep you busy and on call while the CEO steps out to the golf course. So why can't you put those very same concepts to work in spicing up your wine rack? We're starting today. This 2005 Robert Craig Mount Veeder isn't just a Cabernet... it's a CaberYAY!
Okay, well, fine. Maybe the traditional world of delicious wine isn't quite ready to embrace 21st Century marketing concepts. But certainly it, and you, will want to embrace this Cabernet Sauvignon. The grapes come from a single vineyard, located at 1800 feet along the summit of Mount Veeder in southwestern Napa Valley. The naturally occurring microclimates make for a very concentrated fruit that is picked at the moment of perfect ripeness from fields that Robert Craig actually helped plant. It's easy to see why some people refer to him as Robert YAYig!
Wow, still not into that branding concept? Fine, we'll just stick to the old fashioned way of describing the taste and aroma. This cab has a focused nose of deep blackberry and cassis, laced with white chocolate, a touch of anise, smoky cedar and tobacco. Your palate will be enjoying the flavor of mountain fruit and cassis, with a undercurrent of mocha, bay leaf and licorice. And then you'll be carried home by the finish, with dark fruit, tannins, and notes of tobacco and vanilla.
It's exciting when you actually get a little down time. Take advantage of it with a bottle that you're likely to enjoy. The Robert Craig Mount Veeder 2005 Cabernet Sauvignon will help you make the most of your moments of freedom. Turn that steak into a HOORAYeak! Make that dinner party into a WINNER party! You can't stop it, people, it's the future. Tomorrow's gonna be DoubleplusFUNgood!
2005 Robert Craig:
Mt. Veeder, Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon
Blend 85% Cabernet Sauvignon, 12% Merlot, 3% Cabernet Franc
1320 cases produced
Harvest dates: October 3 - November 1
Average sugar: 25.2� Brix
Barrel Aging: 19 months in Chateau-style French oak, 80% new and 20% second year
"Because, Jack, your son doesn't deserve a Crayola Activity Tote. And I'm starting to think that maybe he doesn't deserve any toys at all!"
"Wow, what in the world could he have done? Hey, buddy? Come in here a second?"
"I done been heaRIN' ya WANT meeee up in this pieeece, daddaaaaaay. What lies shortay therebeentellinyou, tellinyou, tellinyou, geeeee?"
"There! You do hear that, Jack? Do you hear what he's doing? That crazy sing-song voice? He won't stop even when I send him to his room!"
"Oh, honey, that's just autotune. It's popular with the kids because it annoys everybody. It's just a phase, like Cabbage Patch Kids or those snap bracelets you girls had in junior high. It's no reason to take away a kid's Crayola Activity Tote full of crayons, markers and colored pencils."
"That's right on the MONay, shortayayayay. Now drop them markers RIGHT back here RIGHT back here RIGHT back here so I can color me hard all night long down down down down down."
"Do you see, Jack? Do you see what this is like for me?"
"Hey, buddy, come sit with me for a second."
"IfeelitwhereyouCOMinfromdaddaayaayaaay, yeah. Gonna have us a little POW wow now ow. Rap about how shortay TOOK my TOTE away yeah yeah yeah YEAHHHHHHH."
"Aaaaa! Why does he keep calling me shorty? Make him stop calling me shorty!"
"Buddy, now, listen, okay? I know this Crayola Activity Tote is inspiring all kind of creativity in you. And it can be exciting to have Washable Bold Broadline Markers, Mini Twistable Crayons, Multicolor Glue Tubes, a Color Explosion Rainbow Tablet, Crayons, Markers, a sharpener, and, heck, even more than that. And I know it can be scary, everything that's in your head, and you might want to express that creativity like you see people on television doing. But, son, autotune is not about creativity. It's a fad. And it's almost played out."
"Dawg, you aIN't got no idEA what you be frontin' on NOW. Tell shorTAY to give me them crayons baaaaack else WE gonna have US a throwwwDOWWWWN!"
"I'm not a shorty! I'm not a shorty! Jack, tell your son that I'm not a shorty!"
"Honey, shut up for minute, please. Listen, buddy, this is very important now. This isn't just about today. This is about your future. You see, I do know about the idea upon which I today front. I know about it first hand. Because I grew up immersed in Vanilla Ice and Snow. I grew up steeped in MC SkatKat and 'Cotton Eyed Joe'. And I know that to follow a path like that would lead you to nothing but failure. And I don't want you to end up like those people did. I want something better for my son. That's why I got you a Crayola Activity Tote. To teach you that you can make your own art from crayons and markers and paper and glue that you can carry around with you anywhere you go. Not from a dumb little box that changes your voice. But from inside. Where you mean it."
"I guess I just was thinKENNN that" I mean... wow, Dad. I never thought about it like that. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to make you sad. I guess I just didn't understand."
"Oh. Oh. Jack. That was beautiful."
"Honey, why don't you give back the Crayola Activity Tote to our son. I think he understands now."
"I do, Dad. I do. From now on, I'll work to produce real creativity, and not some junk exactly like everything else on the radio. And Dad? Thanks."
"Oh, Jack. I'm so happy that our son finally understands what I was trying to tell him."
"Yeah, sometimes it takes a man-to-man talk to really get things to stick."
"You handled that so well. Look, he's using the Crayola Activity Tote to draw a picture of you right now. He's so proud of you. And I am too."