Ever since ancient times, humankind has struggled to create a handheld drink mixer that would give us mastery of the cosmic secrets of Powered Mixology. Many brave mixolognauts have given their lives in this struggle. But now, finally, the secret is revealed. With a 9000 rpm motor, the Vortex Portable Mixing Glass is our last, best hope for victory over those ridiculous probing aliens.
That's right, the aliens. That's what they're here for. Those abductions and probes have all been to keep us afraid, to keep us down, to keep us from finally inventing a way to mix powdered lemonade or chocolate milk or even protein shakes without even using a blender. But guess what, aliens? It didn't work. It didn't work beyond your wildest dreams. Because the Vortex is not just for drinks. The Vortex can also mix up eggs, marinades, instant pudding, even cocktails! This ultra portable 18 ounce mixing glass is easy to transport and fun to use, and you'll be getting two of them, letting you double fist your mixing. And, of course, you'll also be defeating aliens each and every time your Vortex whips you up a drink.
That's because each Vortex Portable Mixing Glass is powered by a stable wormhole tunnel that connects directly to the central power control located in the center of the Montauk Project's headquarters deep under the surface of 18th Century Mars. If you're ever there, just take a left at the giant marble horse statue and go down the hall. It's the door on the right. If you see the timelocked USS Eldridge you've gone too far. And naturally, you'll need two AAA batteries to trigger this wormhole tunnel and get your Vortex Portable Mixing Glass in contact with central power. But the first two AAA batteries are included, just to get you started off right. Think of it as our way of putting Earth first.
Those aliens would do anything to get their hands on this Vortex technology. Be careful. We're willing to give all humans a two pack of Vortex Portable Mixing Glasses because we know we can trust our own. But once you have them, protect them at any cost! Because right now, around Alpha Centauri, there's a Grey who wants to make chocolate milk and then breed. And he doesn't want to use a spoon. He wants to use a Vortex Portable Mixing Glass and your wife or daughter.
cloudy, with a chance of bananas $10.00 + $0 shipping -or- $5 expedited shipping
(1) Black Woot Tee
Description: (click show to see it)
Hello. Me well-known and famous Derple the Purple Gorilla. You maybe remember me from well-known and famous gorilla TV show "Groin Pain." Me want to talk to you about bananas. Did you know many science gorillas claim bananas grow from banana plants? Science gorillas are dum-dums!
Me live in gorilla house at Cleveland Municipal Zoo, and me eat bananas every day. Is no banana plant in gorilla house! So how me get bananas?
Is easy. When me see great and all-powerful zookeepers up on wall of gorilla moat, me do ritual banana dance. Then great and all-powerful zookeepers throw bananas down from wall. Is simple theological proposition. Great and all-powerful zookeepers bestow bananas on Derple as reward for Derple's worship and praise. Dum-dum science gorillas too blind to see what obvious!
"Banana plants!" That rich!
Wear this shirt: while going--or during any period when it is likely you might go--ape.
Don't wear this shirt: while you perform the Underpants Banana Dance. We think you know the prescribed uniform for that.
This shirt tells the world: "I'm a thrilla. A man-slash-lady-killa. I'm your prescription-filla. And I'm prone to mispronouncing 'quesadilla.'"
We call this color: Black Banana
Design Placement: Centered
3X - S: 10" x 12.47" WXL - K4: 7.5" x 9.35"
Pantone Color(s): White - 3995C - 258C - Black
Please check our <a class="modalPopUp sizingchart" title="http://www.woot.com/SizingChart.htm" href="http://www.woot.com/SizingChart.htm">sizing chart</a> before you order. The Woot Tee follows a classic closer-fitting style. If you prefer a baggier look, order a larger size. If there is not a larger size, consider starting a belly-hanging-out trend.
Welcome all, this is Wine Appreciation 214, Survey of L'Ecole No. 41. Please check your schedules to make sure you're in the right place. Dr. Byrne's Adorable Furry Critters in American Literature class is across the hall. Everyone supposed to be here? Good.
We don't have a lot of business to take care of today. This yellow sheet that I'm passing out, this is the syllabus. Please take a look at it and make a note of the class supplies listed at the top. You won't need any books for this class, but you will be required to buy one bottle each of the following wines: The 2006 Columbia Valley Cabernet Sauvignon, the 2006 Columbia Valley Merlot, and the 2006 Columbia Valley Syrah. It's not mandatory, but a lot of students have found it helpful to buy more than one bottle each, of course I leave that to you. I strongly urge you, though, not to buy these materials used from someone who took this class last year.
If you'll take a look, please, we'll go over the first three weeks of the semester. Sessions one and two: The 2006 Cabernet Sauvignon. This is a blend of several premium vineyards with the kind of funny names you'll find easy to mock back in the frat house (Klipsun, Weinbau, Pepper Bridge and Candy Mountain, to name a few). You'll really enjoy this week, though. Class next Tuesday consists of all of us letting our tongue get a load of what the Columbia Valley's typical long, cool, rainless harvest season does for fruit quality. Dark fruit! Cassis! Leather aromas! Bittersweet chocolate! An earthy, spicy finish!
During the second week, we'll toss back a slug of the 2006 Columbia Valley Merlot. Actually, we won't toss back slugs of it. That's not a very oenophiliac way to drink. Instead, we'll savor a sip of it or something. That's why you're at this school in the first place, right? To get some sophistication? A couple swigs of our Week Two selection might do it. This burly Merly is rich like Oprah, spicy like Melanie Chisholm, and basically one of the nicest things a person can expect to happen anywhere near his lips, unless a person is a good deal more attractive than it appears this year's incoming freshman class is, anyway. Maybe it's just you people's fashion sense, I dunno.
Finally, in the third week, we'll, sample some of the ought-six Columbia Valley Syrah, washing our mouths in a gushing torrent of flavor, wrapped in a briar-fruit core, and following through to a satisfying finish of fine, chalky tannins. This wine would make Kool-Aid Man's older, more sophisticated brother--a giant decanter--say "goodness, yeah." You're going to like it, unless something's wrong with you.
That's all for today--I suggest you use the remaining class time to purchase your supplies. So you know, class will typically last for the duration of the scheduled meeting time. One last note: You'll see I have office hours listed on Mondays, but F.Y.I. I won't be in there today.
Or--rather, I will be in there, but I'm taking a three-pack sampler of L'Ecole with me, and intend to drain them all. So don't come around knocking on my door with your horrible, banal questions today, got it, punks?
2006 Columbia Valley Cabernet Sauvignon:
Released: December 2008
Variety: 100% Cabernet Sauvignon
Harvested beginning in late-September and extending into late-October for the cooler sites,
Don't fool yourself, little brother. I know it's all glamour to your three-year-old eyes, but Kindergarten's a jungle and don't let anybody tell you different. Look at you, home all day with Mommy, eating cereal and watching cartoons, taking a nap in a real bed by yourself instead of on some filthy mat in a room full of people - now that's living. If I was you, I'd make hay while the sun shined. You don't know how good you got it.
Listen to me. Home from school and all I can do is complain about school. Right now I'm just going to pour a tall, cold Juicy Juice, crack open the latest Highlights, slip on my Elmo slippers, and put my feet up in my Dozydotes Kids Recliner. Aaaahhh, that's the stuff right there. Soft micro-suede covering, nice plush cushions - just the thing to melt away the cares of another day in the KG grind. And the last thing you need at times like this is a pinched finger or a busted skull, right? That's why the reclining mechanism is totally covered to keep little fingers away, and the stability bar keeps the chair from tipping over when reclining.
I'm telling you, kid, you're gonna need one of these once you join the rugrat race. Mine's pink, yeah, but it also comes in brown. Oh, yeah, I forgot to even mention this: in Kindergarten, you have to go potty without Mommy. Now you got some idea of what I'm dealing with every day?
Warranty: 30 day DozyDotes warranty on fabric, 90 day DozyDotes warranty on mechanism
Perfectly proportioned for children
Covered in micro-suede that is easily cleaned with a soft cloth and light detergent
Chair reclines when the footstool is pulled out about an inch and then a parent or the child can push back and recline the chair
Safety feature is installed so that if a child runs and jumps into the chair the chair doesn't open unintentionally
Does not have a handle like a traditional adult sized recliner.
The steel mechanism is fully covered to insure that there are NO pinch points for little fingers to get into.
The rocker recliner has a stability bar that comes down when the foot stool is raised to stop the chair from tipping over in the reclined position.
Features a full hardwood frame
Comes fully assembled
Made in the USA
Dimensions: 29" x 20" x 22" (HxDxW)
Seat dimensions: 13" x 14" x 14" (HxDxW)
Weight: 28 lbs.
Recommended for children 2-9 years of age (up to 100 lbs.)