Look, I know where you guys are coming from. You're out here hustling a buck like the rest of us, you got nerve, you got ca-joanies, I appreciate that. Now you appreciate this: take that damn chopper down off your web page or I'll use it to sprinkle your ca-joanies on my hot fudge sundae.
I mean, come on. You think you're fooling anybody with this "Chop & Grate Set"? You stick the carrots or the onion or whatever the hell in the little circle, you slap it, it chops. You guys even throw in the little cheese grater. I mean, come on. Don't crap on my rye toast and tell me it's tuna fish, all right? Tell you this, I'm not just going to sit here while you guys undercut my prices. You think you're real smart doubling everybody's order and being all upfront about the shipping charges, huh? Don't make me remind you what happened to the last guy who tried to sell a chopper like this. You seen him on TV lately, huh? One slap at a time, that's all I'm saying.
Look, I'm not a bad guy. You wanna be friends, I'm all kisses. But you bite me and here come the slaps. I go nuts. And you're not gonna love me nuts. So think long and hard about how quickly and finely and easily and violently this chopper reduces meat to shreds. You following me, camera guy?
Anyway, all life that actually evolved on Earth doesn't care what it looks like. You have those blind fish that need dentists, you have those bees that don't shave their bikini line, and you have flowers that never learned how to properly apply makeup.
The moral? Nature is scary, and doesn't hide it. Nature doesn't want delicate and perfect, life wants thorns and creepy stalks that are probably poison. Nature is a cruel series of smears on a clean white shirt that was made from dead plants and underpaid employees. And that's where you can find the real beauty.
Or maybe that's where you can get eaten by a giant poisonous flower. We mostly stay indoors at our computers so we don't really know anything about Nature.
Wear this shirt: if you're poppy and you know it. Then clap your hands.
Don't wear this shirt: if you think this is a representation of flowers getting shot in the head. If that's what you think maybe you should talk to someone, like a pastor or guidance counselor.
This shirt tells the world: "Flower? I Barely Even Know 'Er!"
We call this color: All-Purpose White Baking
Design Placement: Right Side
3X - S: 9.43" x 19" WXL - WS: 7.07" x 14.25" K12 - K4: 6.45" x 13"
The point is, as you'd expect, it means "purity" in French. And it means purity in white wine - in other words, no oak.
No oak? NO OAK? Yes, the Purit� line from Fess Parker Winery's Epiphany Cellars presents three white wines that taste like wine, not like wine barrels. Nothing but stainless-steel fermenting for this trio, and stainless steel is just about flavorless. That's why they use it so much in, like, cafeterias and whatnot.
So the Purit� 2007 Chardonnay reveals pear, gooseberry, honeydew, white peach, jasmine, and wet stone aromas and Granny Smith apple, citrus zest, mineral, and apricot flavors, in all their un-oaked glory. It probably helps that unlike most un-oaked Chardonnays out there right now, it's sourced from a top vineyard, Ashley's in Santa Rita Hills. That patch of ground is known for its refreshing, brisk minerality and acidity, as you'll soon taste.
Not that the other two are any slouches. Don't confuse the Purit� 2007 Dry Riesling with regular old Riesling; this one is much less sweet. But its bountiful nose of white nectarine, lychee nut, wet stone, lemon zest, and white flowers lacks nothing in the enticing department. Crisply acidic and citrus-y on the palate, it's ideal with white fish, pork, Thai, or Chinese. So's the Purit� 2007 Viognier, although its flavor profile (honeydew, pineapple, lychee, cardamom, grapefruit, honeysuckle, apricot, white peach) also suggests some hot & spicy action.
Hey, notice what phrase we almost always use, but didn't this time? "Hints of oak." Notice what else we didn't say? "Hints of stainless steel." We understand that oak plays a huge role in the traditional white wine, and that's cool, or whatever. But it's not exactly pure, is it?