(1) iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum with Virtual Wall and Self-Charging Home Base
Description: (click show to see it)
You don't need a TRUNKLOAD of TALENT and you don't even need any CHARM! Hi! Willie Blay here for CHUTZPAH, the revolutionary new way to do things that'll change the WAY you DO THINGS - forever! That's the Chutzpah promise!
How much would YOU pay for the secret to FORTUNE and FAME for those of us not blessed with any special physical or mental gifts? Four dollars? Eighteen dollars? Five billion dollars? I can do better than that: I'm giving the secret away FREE! It's not like I need the money where I'm going! The secret is CHUTZPAH, a groundbreaking new formula that unlocks the power of sheer NERVE to pave the way to a richer, more confident, and richer you!
It's all in not caring what people think! Remember this acronym: HGH! It stands for "Haters Gonna Hate", and it reminds you that some people just LOVE to make themselves look SMARTER by tearing down OTHERS! What do you care what some overeducated copywriter from St. Louis thinks of you? The answer is YOU DON'T! If that guy was so smart, he'd be living in a fabulous MANSION like yours instead of a vinyl-siding shack in St. Louis!
Remember another acronym: RAA! That stands for "Remember Another Acronym"! And the acronym I'm talking about there is ABC: Always Be Chutzpahing! Here, let me demonstrate.
Take a normal, everyday e-commerce customer - that's you! Then take a pretty typical household product: a Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum! When you've got CHUTZPAH, that Roomba becomes a "full-service household valet"! Its counter-rotating Bristle Brush and Beater Brush magically transform into "two dynamite blasts against carpet-bound crud"! The Spot Clean and Dirt Detect functions? "Advanced artificial intelligence scanning your environment for foreign contaminants"! A minute ago, you were about to fall asleep - now you can't click that "I WANT ONE" button fast enough. THAT's the POWER of Chutzpah!
Seeing is believing, am I right? You put in the hours like me and you can be a HOUSEHOLD NAME like me, with the fortune to match! It's all in the CHUTZPAH! But wait! Call now and I'll triple my offer at no extra cost to you! No, that doesn't make any sense - but it doesn't have to make sense when you've got CHUTZPAH! Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to move on to another mortal plane. You call it the afterlife - I call it a brand-new market! I just hope they have blue shirts up there!
The Weakest Lincoln $10.00 + $0 shipping -or- $5 expedited shipping
(1) Asphalt Woot Tee
Description: (click show to see it)
Just one shiny penny gets you into the greatest show you'll ever see! Watch as the mighty Abraham cuts a nation in half... and then puts it back together! Thrill to the way his uncanny powers make it seem fashionable to have a beard without a mustache! Did he learn in Tibet? In China? From the voodoo priests of New Orleans? Friends, he did all that and more!
He made logs into a toy! He put his face on a mountain! He's The Great Emancipator, and he's here today! Come in and see! And don't forget, with every ticket you get a free viewing of Mary Todd, She-Devil of Kentucky! Don't get too close, she'll rip off your face! Come see The Great Emancipator! Step right up! Step right up!
Wear this shirt: to show you were an early supporter of President Zachary Taylor. He died just sixteen months into his term, too. So young. Like a political Kurt Cobain. Sigh.
Don't wear this shirt: to the theater. Not because of the assassination thing, but because you really should look nice when you're going to the theater.
This shirt tells the world: "I wanna reach out and grab ya. Forescore times."
We call this color: A Sphalt Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand.
Design Placement: Centered
3X - S: 10" x 12.8" WXL - K4: 7.5" x 9.6"
What? You mean Washington isn't the Aloha State? Well, it's an easy mistake to make when your hula-ing with the 2007 Helix Aspersa Columbia Valley. Waft its canteloupe, pineapple, and pear aromas through your nostrils, and even the bushiest evergreen will start to look a little like a palm. Splash the citronella, orange zest, and iced tea flavors on your tongue and you just might start juggling those sticks with fire on both ends. Probably only after you've had a whole, whole lot of those flavors.
You cant surf in your inflatable kiddie pool. That smoke you see isn't a volcano - it's from the used-tire incinerator down the street. And for the sake of your neighbors and loved ones, please, nobody needs to see you in a grass skirt. But with the 2007 Helix Aspersa, every sip is a little luau in your mouth.