The acoustic open mic at the Java Hole is this Tuesday. My one-man version of “Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You” is ready for public consumption. But I can’t go up there as Mike Smith. It’s, like, the most common name in America. And I am a very uncommon singer-songwriter-juggler. Check it out, the first one – and I like this, this is good – is Blue Raspberry. It sounds cool and rock n roll and everything. And it’s also one of my four favorite flavors of Go-Gurt, so it’s got that going for it. “Ladies and gentlemen: Blue Raspberry.” Yeah, I could get used to that.
Then there’s this one. Ready? Here it comes…Fred Storch. I’ve often been told there’s a pronounced F-Troop influence in all of my songs and my juggling act. What better stage name than a salute to my two favorite F-Troopers? Oooh, oooh, here’s another one I like: John Cougar. Sounds cool, right? I’d have instant name recognition. This Maxim article I read said cougars are really “in” right now. And they’re not even a wildlife magazine, so it must be a big deal. And it’s not like anybody else is using it right now. Gotta say, John Cougar’s a strong contender.
You can see why this is so hard when the names are all so great. And I haven’t even told you the best one yet. You ready for this one? Monsoon Titanium.
Isn’t it great? Like an irresistible monsoon colliding with a wall of immovable titanium, while juggling acoustic guitars. Hells yeah.
And the cool part is, it’s a salute to my favorite HDTV streaming gizmo. I just connect my Monsoon HAVA Titanium TV Streamer to my cable box or TV antenna or whatever and I can watch HDTV content from any Windows XP or Vista computer connected to the Internet, anywhere in the world. I can change the channel, timeshift, whatever. And like my music, it opens up a world of infinite possibility. Recording Xbox games in HD. Capturing TV shows and saving them to my hard drive. Fast-forwarding and rewinding live TV. If I have one-tenth the command over my sensitive poetic lyrics and banjo-inspired Appalachian fingerpicking that the “other” Monsoon Titanium has over HDTV streams, I’ll set that Java Hole crowd on fire.
Speaking of fire, that reminds me of another potential nom de me: Cinder Scorchburn. Talk about cool! Tell me you wouldn’t go see Cinder Scorchburn play.
OK, OK, fine. Stop telling me. I get the idea. You made your point.
Blegh. Ugh. I feel awful. I’m used to waking up in the backyard. That’s where I live. But not tipped over in the middle of the lawn. And what’s this taste in my mouth, anyway? Last I remember, the guys were coming back from a lighter-fluid run. Ooh, that sounds good right now. Burn the hair of the dog and all that. Let’s see here…huh. All these bottles are empty. And we bought a case! I guess that explains it all. Ugh. If I had a stomach I’d totally be puking right now.
Wear this shirt: to let your guests know you barbecue 110%.
Don’t wear this shirt: hidden under your apron. You can get much cheaper undershirts.
This shirt tells the world: “I’ll kiss the cook after he has a breath mint or something.”
We call this color: Baby Blue Flames.
Design Placement: Centered
3X – S: 13” x 7.91” WXL - K4: 9” x 5.48”
Pantone Color(s): White – 123C – 730C – 429C – 431C – Black
It has come to our attention that a few wine.woot staffers are confusing the Saxon Brown wines we recently received with Jackson Browne, Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter. Please consult the informational breakdown below if you need help differentiating one from the other, especially during conversations with customers. These wines are lively, refreshing and delicious, and they deserve to be delivered to wine-drinkers who’ll appreciate them—not confused customers who are disappointed not to receive a visit from the guy who wrote “Doctor My Eyes.”
COUPLING: Jackson Browne is known to get amorous with the glamorous, having been paired over the years with several beautiful models and actresses. Saxon Brown Semillons have excellent food affinity, and can hobnob with elegant hors d’oeuvres at a black-tie affair as easily as with casual snacks on the patio.
RUNNING ON EMPTY: Jackson Browne had his biggest commercial success with the live album “Running On Empty.” Saxon Brown Semillons, by contrast, are least successful with party guests when the carafes run dry. Anyone hosting a social gathering of any kind is advised to keep his or her cellar well-stocked.
TASTING NOTES: Saxon Browne Semillons are invigorating, full of bright fruit flavors. They taste of vibrant white peach, citrus blossom, melon, honey and fig, with a lingering creamy finish and not even the tiniest hint of oak. Jackson Browne, on the other hand, tastes like human flesh.
Please bear these distinctions in mind! Again, we’re carrying the Semillon Cricket Creek and the old vine, field-blended Semillon Casa Santinamaria, both from ought-seven. Customers will receive two bottles of each. Whole-fruit pressed and cold settled, these wines provide excellent opportunities to sample the grape that wine forgot. People are going to love it. PROVIDED THEY DO NOT EXPECT ROCK AND ROLL HALL-OF-FAMER JACKSON BROWNE TO ARRIVE ON THEIR DOORSTEPS. All staff members must, repeat, MUST fully comprehend this so as to avoid misinforming customers.
Your team managers have unanimously expressed their frustration that it is even necessary to make this point to you, and if these sorts of misunderstandings continue, we may be forced to terminate a few of our stupider personnel.
Seriously, people, we haven’t had a mix-up like this since we sold the Spruce Springs Ten-Pack. Let’s make this the last one.
2007 Semillon Alexander Valley Cricket Creek:
Cold tank fermented over 90 days at 52-55F
Case Production: Only 324 cases
2007 Semillon “Old Vine, Field Blended” Casa Santinamaria: