(1) Starbucks Sirena Model 398574 Semi-Automatic Espresso Machine
Description: (click show to see it)
It finally happened. Late, but it happened: Starbucks has opened a location in your kitchen. Oh, it’s not one of the full-scale ones with a rack of Joni Mitchell CDs and a community bulletin board. This Starbucks location is even smaller than one you might find in a casino, a megachurch, or a penitentiary. But just check the logo on the dial of the Starbucks Sirena Semi-Automatic Espresso Machine and you’ll hear the roasted cry of the crowned mermaid.
The 15-bar pump-driven franchise location may have a more restricted menu, and poorer customer service, than the typical Starbucks. On the other hand, the price is right. Stop saying “Why do I have to pay four bucks for espresso made with a back pressure adapter which adjusts automatically to the coffee’s grind? What’s a guy gotta do to get full, rich crema around here?” And those of you who dig continuous, powerful steam will dig the Rapid Steam Boiler off of this thing. Best of all, it probably won’t drive any locally-owned coffeeshops out of business. Unless there’s, like, one in your bed.
If you like convenience – and if you don’t, we bid you good day, sir – in the pursuit of your daily bean extract, Starbucks doesn’t get any more convenient than the Sirena Semi-Automatic Espresso Machine. There’s only one drawback: your shift starts at 6 a.m. Bring your own hat.
Man has long been fascinated by three things. Fire, being outdoors, and telling women to shut up and make the potato salad because the men know what they are doing. And that’s why the barbeque has been a success since the very first day it was created.
Even in a dark future full of health pills and treadmills that walk the dog Jetsons-style, there will still be underground grilling clubs in which men of passion gather to glorify their hot, juicy meat.
Women, you may grill, and you may even be good at it, but you will never fully understand the holy triangle that forms at the grill. That world is a sacred space, private to each man, and occupied only by himself, his meat, and their God. Amen. Now is that potato salad ready or what?
Wear this shirt: to show you’re planning ahead for that Memorial Day weekend in 2165.
Don’t wear this shirt: at the grill. If you get grease on it, you’ll be mad.
This shirt tells the world: “It’ll be ready when it’s ready!”
We call this color: Is that Asphalt? Granny can’t see from here. Go get Granny her glasses and one of them chocolate Ex-Lax tablets she loves so much.
Design Placement: Centered
3X – S: 14” x 4.99” WXL - WS: 10.5” x 3.74” K12 - K4: 9” x 3.2”
It has come to our attention that a few wine.woot staffers are confusing the Saxon Brown wines we recently received with Jackson Browne, Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter. Please consult the informational breakdown below if you need help differentiating one from the other, especially during conversations with customers. These wines are lively, refreshing and delicious, and they deserve to be delivered to wine-drinkers who’ll appreciate them—not confused customers who are disappointed not to receive a visit from the guy who wrote “Doctor My Eyes.”
COUPLING: Jackson Browne is known to get amorous with the glamorous, having been paired over the years with several beautiful models and actresses. Saxon Brown Semillons have excellent food affinity, and can hobnob with elegant hors d’oeuvres at a black-tie affair as easily as with casual snacks on the patio.
RUNNING ON EMPTY: Jackson Browne had his biggest commercial success with the live album “Running On Empty.” Saxon Brown Semillons, by contrast, are least successful with party guests when the carafes run dry. Anyone hosting a social gathering of any kind is advised to keep his or her cellar well-stocked.
TASTING NOTES: Saxon Browne Semillons are invigorating, full of bright fruit flavors. They taste of vibrant white peach, citrus blossom, melon, honey and fig, with a lingering creamy finish and not even the tiniest hint of oak. Jackson Browne, on the other hand, tastes like human flesh.
Please bear these distinctions in mind! Again, we’re carrying the Semillon Cricket Creek and the old vine, field-blended Semillon Casa Santinamaria, both from ought-seven. Customers will receive two bottles of each. Whole-fruit pressed and cold settled, these wines provide excellent opportunities to sample the grape that wine forgot. People are going to love it. PROVIDED THEY DO NOT EXPECT ROCK AND ROLL HALL-OF-FAMER JACKSON BROWNE TO ARRIVE ON THEIR DOORSTEPS. All staff members must, repeat, MUST fully comprehend this so as to avoid misinforming customers.
Your team managers have unanimously expressed their frustration that it is even necessary to make this point to you, and if these sorts of misunderstandings continue, we may be forced to terminate a few of our stupider personnel.
Seriously, people, we haven’t had a mix-up like this since we sold the Spruce Springs Ten-Pack. Let’s make this the last one.
2007 Semillon Alexander Valley Cricket Creek:
Cold tank fermented over 90 days at 52-55F
Case Production: Only 324 cases
2007 Semillon “Old Vine, Field Blended” Casa Santinamaria: