Because of the nature of the meeting we’re going to dispense with the usual opening remarks about how nice everyone looks and how the weather outside is good for the long-term growth potential of flowers and move right to the issue at hand. For those who have not yet prepared by reading the briefing, thanks for allowing us this opportunity to explain the circumstances to the group.
The Optimist’s Society Elders have recently become aware of the Dane-Elec 8GB USB Flash Drive and Game. This 8 GB portable flash drive allows data to be moved freely from location to location. However, unlike other flash drives, the Dane-Elec 8GB USB Flash Drive and Game comes with an included game. And here’s where the prob… I mean, the opportunity, actually lies.
We all know that everyone in this room sees my glass as half full. We all know that everyone in this room understands they didn’t lose a penny, they saved ninety nine cents. Our eternal optimism is what makes us better than the rest of the world. And that’s why Dane-Elec 8GB USB Flash Drive and Game is threatening the very mindset we all hold so dear.
When Tom over there brought this to my attention, he said it was a USB Flash Drive that happened to include a copy of Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Lockdown. But not one hour later, Jimmy Witkiss called to tell me about how his new copy of Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory came with a free USB Flash Drive! And then, at lunch, Tina came into my office to tell me about the how her bundle of Blazing Angels and a USB Flash Drive meant that each would cost about half of what they’d usually cost. And that’s when I knew we had a problem.
No, don’t correct me, Mike, the time for foolish optimism is past! It’s time for realism! It’s time to say that when I’m holding a Dane-Elec 8GB USB Flash Drive w/Game, I don’t know what I’m paying for or which one I’m getting for free! That’s not some “chance for improvement” or whatever crap we usually say! That’s a problem! Without the superiority that comes from our forced sense that all will be right, how are we any different from those pessimists? Ooo, I hate them so much. They’re irredeemable. The only answer is to wipe them all out like the scourge that they are.
Wait, what are you all doing? An emergency vote? Well, that’s a fine idea. Maybe now we can decide our policy regarding these… wait, you’re voting on me? Removing me from the Chairmanship? Wait, everyone is… unanimous? I… I don’t know what to say. I… guess I should be happy for this chance to… spend more time playing the copy of Brothers In Arms: Road To Hill 30 that came with my Dane-Elec 8GB USB Flash Drive and Game. I guess maybe… can I at least finish my glass of water? Oh, that’s Optimist Society property. Okay. I’ll just wait outside. Gosh, the weather’s not that bad. At least the flowers will look nice next week. And maybe the way it is now… no one will notice my tears…
Warranty: 5 Year Dane Elec
8GB Memory Capacity
Preloaded with Ubisoft first person shooters, choose between Rainbow Six Lockdown, Brothers in Arms, Splinter Cell Chaos, or Blazing Angels
Once the game is installed it no longer requires a game disc or flash drive to be inserted for copyright verification
Perfect for storing & sharing important files, songs, photos and videos
High speed USB drive, 2.0 & 1.1 compatible
Drive Dimensions: 2 1/2” (L) 1” (H) X 1/2” (D)
Two-piece design protects USB connection when not in use
Metal ring to connect to key chain or lanyard
Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Lockdown
Battle terrorist threats while leading the world’s most elite counter-terrorist unit
4th installment of the award winning Rainbow Six series
Drive Color: Red
Engineered specifically for the PC by Red Storm Entertainment
The tensest close-quarters battles ever experienced online
Face independent terrorist threats, tied together by one common element – the Legion virus
Rainbow must determine the connection between the terrorist threats and the virus
Enhanced tactical gameplay allows you to immerse yourself in tense close-quarter combat
Split-second decisions mean the difference between life and death
Superior multiplayer experience
Class-Based mode allows players to choose from four specialized operative classes, each with unique gameplay advantages
Advanced weapons and equipment including new items like lock fusers, laser trip mines, and the deadly virus grenades
Nine maps including three new “classic” Rainbow maps voted on by the fans
Tension-building sound effects (creaking floorboards, whispers and hostages begging for their lives) hint at a threat around every corner
All levels contain increased visuals, accomplished by increasing resolution of textures and increasing polygon counts
Lighting of spaces dramatically improves the visuals of the game
All new user interface includes new radar element added to in the in game HUD - part of the motion sensor vision mode
PC System Requirements:
Operating System: Windows 2000 / XP/ Vista
Processor: Intel Pentium 4 1.5GHz or AMD Athlon XP 1.5GHz or better
RAM: 512 MB
Video Card: 64 MB AGP or PCI-Express DirectX9 video card that supports pixel shaders and vertex shaders
Sound Card: DirectX 9.0 compliant (EAX recommended; PC audio solution containing Dolby Digital Live required for Dolby Digital audio)
Hard Drive Space: 7.0 GB
Peripherals supported: keyboard and mouse, microphone (for voice commands), Logitech G15 keyboard, monitor capable of 1024×768 resolution at 60Hz
Multiplayer: Broadband with 64 kbps upstream (128 kbps recommended)
Supported video cards at time of release:
ATI Radeon 8500/9000/X families
NVIDIA GeForce 3/4/FX/6/7 families (GeForce 4 MX / Go models not supported)
Laptop / On-board versions of these chipsets may work but are not considered supported.
Brothers in Arms: Road to Hill 30
Historic WWII action-adventure game
Lead an Allied squad through the European campaign
Drive Color: Camo
Set during the famous airdrop before the invasion at Normandy
Sgt. Matt Baker and his squad of 101st Airborne paratroopers are scattered over the French countryside
Baker must choose between the success of his mission and the lives of his men – his brothers in arms
Historic eight-day invasion of Normandy with unparalleled imagery, authenticity, sound and gameplay
The only first-person tactical shooter set in WWII
Real military tactics
Intuitive and easy-to-use squad controls appeal to both the hardcore and mainstream gaming audience
More than 20 characters, each having a distinctly unique personality, appearance and style
Revolutionary AI system
Allies and enemies use the standard operating procedures of fire and manoeuvre to flank and kill their foes
Historically accurate and detailed battlefields, events and equipment recreated from Army Signal Corps photos, Aerial Reconnaissance Imagery and eyewitness accounts
Players command three-man AI teams in a battle of wits and skill to accomplish exciting objectives
From the award-winning creators of Half-Life Opposing Force; developers of James Bond: Nightfire, Counter-Strike and Halo(PC)
PC System Requirements:
Supported OS: Windows 2000/XP/Vista
Processor: 1 GHz Pentium III or AMD Athlon (2.5 GHz Pentium IV or AMD recommended)
RAM: 512 MB (1 GB recommended)
Video Card: 32 MB Direct X 9.0c compliant
Sound Card: 16 bit DirectX 9.0c compliant sound card
DirectX Version: DirectX 9.0c (included)
Hard Drive Space: 5 GB hard drive space
Peripherals: Windows keyboard and mouse only
Multiplayer: Broadband with 64 kbps upstream (128 kbps recommended)
Supported Video Cards at Time of Release:
ATI Radeon 8500/9000/X series
NVIDIA GeForce 4/FX/6 series (GeForce 4 MX NOT supported)
Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell Chaos Theory
Track down and eliminate the world’s most notorious perpetrators of electronic & global information warfare
3rd installment of the Splinter Cell series
Drive Color: Black
Set in the Year 2007
Japan’s creation of an Information Self Defense Force is deemed a violation of international law
Rising tensions between Japan, China and North Korea causes Japan to request US assistance
Mounting evidence gathered by the I-SDF indicates that the devastation of the Japanese economy on the now infamous ‘Black Gold Day’ may have been caused by intentional Information Warfare attacks
As nations begin to mobilize
The United States activates the USS Clarence E Walsh to the region
Third Echelon gets wind of a small and seemingly unrelated incident that may end up having global repercussions
Hey, beer fans; Max here. You know, besides gasoline and (I suppose) my own blood, there’s only one fluid I really can’t live without. That’s Dystopia Dark Lager. Nothing obliterates the psychic pain of horrific memories like ten or eleven Dystopias. And the flavor? Well, let’s not ruin a perfectly civil conversation by talking about that.
It’s a harsh world out there. We’ve all seen things we’d like to forget. In my case, multiple incidents of savage cruelty. In your case, maybe Waterworld. Dystopia rinses it all right out of your brain, quick as you can choke the stuff down! Take it from me: Once you’ve conditioned yourself to swallow a mouthful of Dystopia without involuntarily gagging, you’ll never drink another beer.
Maybe literally, since a mouthful of some of the bad batches exceeds the lethal dose.
Wear this shirt: to work at the pig-feces power plant. It’s brown, so the smears won’t show! They’ll stink, sure, but they won’t show.
Don’t wear this shirt: without leathers, unless you want road rash.
This shirt tells the world: “Given the choice between a frosty mug of Dystopia or sawing through my own ankle, I always take…
“Well, hang on, how big a mug are we talking about?”
We call this color: Bartertown Brown
Design Placement: Centered
3X – S: 9” x 12.25” WXL - K4: 6.75” x 9.19”
It has come to our attention that a few wine.woot staffers are confusing the Saxon Brown wines we recently received with Jackson Browne, Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter. Please consult the informational breakdown below if you need help differentiating one from the other, especially during conversations with customers. These wines are lively, refreshing and delicious, and they deserve to be delivered to wine-drinkers who’ll appreciate them—not confused customers who are disappointed not to receive a visit from the guy who wrote “Doctor My Eyes.”
COUPLING: Jackson Browne is known to get amorous with the glamorous, having been paired over the years with several beautiful models and actresses. Saxon Brown Semillons have excellent food affinity, and can hobnob with elegant hors d’oeuvres at a black-tie affair as easily as with casual snacks on the patio.
RUNNING ON EMPTY: Jackson Browne had his biggest commercial success with the live album “Running On Empty.” Saxon Brown Semillons, by contrast, are least successful with party guests when the carafes run dry. Anyone hosting a social gathering of any kind is advised to keep his or her cellar well-stocked.
TASTING NOTES: Saxon Browne Semillons are invigorating, full of bright fruit flavors. They taste of vibrant white peach, citrus blossom, melon, honey and fig, with a lingering creamy finish and not even the tiniest hint of oak. Jackson Browne, on the other hand, tastes like human flesh.
Please bear these distinctions in mind! Again, we’re carrying the Semillon Cricket Creek and the old vine, field-blended Semillon Casa Santinamaria, both from ought-seven. Customers will receive two bottles of each. Whole-fruit pressed and cold settled, these wines provide excellent opportunities to sample the grape that wine forgot. People are going to love it. PROVIDED THEY DO NOT EXPECT ROCK AND ROLL HALL-OF-FAMER JACKSON BROWNE TO ARRIVE ON THEIR DOORSTEPS. All staff members must, repeat, MUST fully comprehend this so as to avoid misinforming customers.
Your team managers have unanimously expressed their frustration that it is even necessary to make this point to you, and if these sorts of misunderstandings continue, we may be forced to terminate a few of our stupider personnel.
Seriously, people, we haven’t had a mix-up like this since we sold the Spruce Springs Ten-Pack. Let’s make this the last one.
2007 Semillon Alexander Valley Cricket Creek:
Cold tank fermented over 90 days at 52-55F
Case Production: Only 324 cases
2007 Semillon “Old Vine, Field Blended” Casa Santinamaria: