Just a quick note to RESTATE our department’s objection to this sale. This will TOTALLY undermine any illusion we’ve created over the past couple years that the Podcast Team has ANY IDEA what we are doing.
Do you know we got an email recently asking about our backgrounds in music performance and composition? Of course all of you know that the whole extent of our experience in these fields is that Carl was in his high school glee club for one year. (He can’t sing, but they let him travel with the group to carry water bottles and blow the pitch pipe. He was sort of like the “Rudy” of glee club. Except they never put him in.)
But d00dz—our listeners don’t know that we’re musically inept. Not yet, anyway. BUT IF YOU SELL THIS M-AUDIO GEAR, EVERYONE WILL FIND OUT HOW LITTLE YOU HAVE TO KNOW TO MAKE DECENT-SOUNDING RECORDINGS. Seriously, all that’s missing from this selection of gear is a <a href="http://www.sellout.woot.com/">decent set of studio monitors</a>. That’s not exactly the KEY MISSING INGREDIENT they used to leave out on MacGyver to keep kids from learning how to make bombs.
Guys, it’s just not smart business to give away the SECRETS OF YOUR CRAFT. You will make COMPETITORS out of our very CUSTOMERS! Don’t you remember the “ancient Chinese secret” principle of successful business management? That lady probably never went to Mr. Lee’s laundry again! WITH CALGON, WHY SHOULD SHE?
Somewhere out there is a Woot podcast listener who thinks we have an actual piano in the studio. Is she stupid? Probably, but that’s WHY SHE LISTENS TO OUR PODCAST. “It can’t be a MIDI track,” she thinks. “It sounds like the keys are velocity-sensitive.” See, she’s never played around with a KeyStudio USB keyboard. AND YOU WANT TO SEND HER ONE? Five minutes after she plugs it in, she’s going to go “wow, the Woot Podcast Team is a bunch of tone-deaf hacks. A trained bird could do this.” AND SHE’LL BE RIGHT.
Please, please, please, people—if you care about job security for your friends and colleagues on the Podcast Team, DO NOT SELL THIS STUFF. It would be like Doug Henning giving away his tricks! CAN YOU IMAGINE? DOUG HENNING!? DOING THAT?!? NO, HE IS A REAL PRO.
Please try to understand our position on this issue. We feel like the emperor on parade in our altogether. We feel like the Great and Powerful Oz with Toto tugging at the curtain. You will ruin us. Please reconsider.
OR IF NOT, MAYBE THE NEXT PODCAST WILL FEATURE ONE OF US READING YOUR LIST OF SALES CONTACTS FOR EVERYONE TO POACH!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!
The Podcast Team
Warranty: 1 Year M-Audio
Session KeyStudio 49 Note Keyboard Features:
Includes 49-note velocity-sensitive USB keyboard
Includes easy-to-use Session software, play hundreds of sounds or turn your PC into a recording studio
Huge library of virtual instruments and sound loops, be the entire band
Built-in studio-quality effects, mix your songs with CD-quality results
Complete package, everything you need to play and record keyboard-based music
Simple setup, just install and launch the software, plug in the keyboard and included high-performance audio interface, and start playing
Built with the same M-Audio technology used by music professionals on stage and in studios around the world
Works seamlessly with most music software, including Session and GarageBand
Use the KeyStudio keyboard to play Session’s huge virtual instrument library, which includes everything from classic sounds like pianos and basses to pop- and rock-inspired synths and sound effects
Session has everything you need to turn your jams, remixes and mash-ups into polished, professional-sounding productions. Sweeten a piano line with reverb and echo, give your bass guitar some vintage grit with distortion effects and put some serious thump in your drum loops with powerful equalization and compression tools
Connects to your PC with one USB cable—no extra cables, no drivers and no hassles. Session software instantly recognizes the connected keyboard and takes care of everything else in the background
Music Producer Microphone Features:
USB microphone, created by the same M-Audio engineers that design recording technology for top studios around the world
Features a large diaphragm to capture the subtle nuances of male and female vocal performances
Software drivers allow you to listen to your performance in real time, without the annoying delays that otherwise plague computer-based recording
Easy to create professional-sounding podcasts and polished music productions in GarageBand
Easy-to-use, complete package, make music in minutes
Includes Producer USB microphone, capture top-quality vocals
Includes intuitive Session software, turn your PC or Mac into a recording studio
Huge library of virtual instruments and sound loops, be the entire band
Built-in studio effects, mix your songs with CD-quality results
Torq Mixlab Features:
Includes Torq LE software and X-Session Pro control surface, integrated plug-and-play hardware/software system
Two virtual decks, mix two songs with independent control of speed and pitch
3-band EQ, headphone cueing, crossfader and effects, full-featured mixer
Integrates with iTunes, iPods and more, supports standard digital file formats and devices
Record your mixes directly to audio files, ready for instant podcasting or CD burning
Compatible with both Mac and PC, Torq LE is designed to work right out of the box. Just connect the X-Session Pro, fire up Torq LE and the program takes care of the rest
Torq LE organizes everything you need to DJ into a single, easy-to-use workspace. Two virtual decks let you load, cue and play back digital files—and will even automatically beat-match the files in an instant
Just like a traditional DJ setup, Torq LE includes an integrated two-channel mixer with three-band EQ, level controls, headphone cueing, a crossfader and three effects
Allows you to cue, beat-match and mix a wide variety of unprotected digital audio file formats, including MP3, AIFF, WAV, WMA, Apple Lossless and AAC. The program organizes all of your digital files into an easily searchable database, enabling you to pull up the perfect track or change up your set in an instant
Access your iTunes library through Torq LE, so you can have your music at your fingertips
Fuses the standard controls of a two-channel DJ mixer with the transport and pitch controls of a turntable or DJ CD player, enabling you to control everything from a single interface
M-Audio Keystudio 25 Note Keyboard:
Easy-to-use Session software and compact, 25-note keyboard, play hundreds of included virtual instruments
Built-in effects including reverb, EQ and more, transform your tracks into polished, CD-quality mixes
Over 1,200 loops, instant drag-and-drop music creation, no experience required
Quickly connects to your PC with one USB cable—no extra cables, no drivers and no hassles
Session software instantly recognizes the connected keyboard and takes care of everything else in the background
KeyStudio keyboard to play Session’s huge virtual instrument library, which includes everything from classic sounds like pianos and basses to pop- and rock-inspired synths and sound effects
System Requirements for All Models:
Macintosh G3 800/G4 733mhz or higher
OS X 10.3.9 with 256mb or higher
OS X 10.4.3 or greater with 512mb RAM
1 native USB port
Windows XP (SP 2) or Windows Vista 32bit
1.6GHz Processor (CPU requirements may be higher for laptops)
In the larval stage, the cattail seems innocent. Dusky, swaying, friend to frogs, even the most experienced cattailologist can forget the danger.
But in the adult form, that of the plastic lawn flamingo, the once-delicate cattail becomes an infestation. Ironic? Bad taste? One can never be completely sure. And in that moment of confusion, the cattail strikes.
Thankfully, nature provides the predator for every prey.
Wear this shirt: to show your support for the Spirograph.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you hated the opening of The Partridge Family”.
This shirt tells the world: “Horticulture is just applied geology.”
“The most obvious question with respect to X Winery and proprietor Reed Renaudin,” says some guy named Robert Parker in some sort of newsletter called The Wine Advocate, “is how can these wines be this good at these prices?”
Indeed, Mr. Parker, whoever you are – that IS the question. Let us posit an answer. It may shock you. It may disturb you. It may leave you feeling deeply, profoundly indifferent. But it must be considered:
Yes, we contend that the presence of a mutated super-grape chromosome accounts for these so-called X-Wines. And that fact, while unproven, should send a chill through the heart of every winemaker in America. Because soon, if these mutant wines have their way, nobody will be able to get away with selling swill just because it’s cheap.
How else to explain the X Winery 2006 Paso Robles Petite Sirah? Can its superlative aromas of blackberry, cedar, and smoke really be explained by the Templeton Gap’s cool nights and shale soils? Does anyone believe that its dense, complex berry, coffee, and pepper flavors are mere natural phenomenon? In the course of routine testing, we fired a gun at it and the bullets just bounced off. One sip of this super-muscular, steel-plated Petite Sirah proves it’s something beyond typical wine.
The same could be said of the X Winery 2007 Red X Winemaker’s Blend. A product of genetic material from all over the North Coast, this bold but harmonious blend displays powers of wild cherry, cinnamon toast, cashew, and cranberry that defy ordinary explanation, along with soft and supple tannins the likes of which have never before been seen by most scientists. Why? Because most scientists don’t make all that much money, and they’re not used to being able to afford wines this good. If Red X was a person, it would probably shoot red beams of pure flavor out of its eyes.
And so we turn to the final member of this fantastic three, the X Winery 2005 Amicus Napa Valley Special Blend. Rich. Concentrated. Intense. Velvety. Most of all, dark. Dark cherry and dark chocolate on the nose. Those same dark flavors on the palate. A long finish that lingers like some sort of dark phoenix. The darkness beckons us, tempts us, whispers dark promises into our noses. And it’ll only get more powerful with age.
We admit that our argument has a few holes, such as the complete absence of objective evidence. But consider this: if it was mortally possible to produce such excellent wines at such low prices, why wouldn’t more people be doing it? Either Reed Renaudin (if that is his real name) has discovered a method for mutating X Winery’s grapes to give them supernatural powers over the human palate, or other wineries charge too much for wine that’s not that good. Which is easier for YOU to believe?
2005 Amicus Napa Valley Special Blend
Vineyard: 98% Napa Valley Spring Mountain, 2% Lake County
Blend: 51% Cabernet Sauvignon, 28% Merlot, 11% Petit Verdot,10% Cabernet Franc
Aging Info: 30 months, 100% French Oak, 50% new
TA: 6.62 g/L
RS: <1 g/L
Free SO2 at bottling: 30 ppm
Cases produced: 400
2006 Paso Robles Petite Sirah
Vineyard: Templeton Gap area
Blend: 85% Petite Sirah,15% Syrah
Aging: 18 months in 50% French Oak, 50% American Oak & 20% New Oak
TA: 5.93 g/L
RS: < 1 g/L
Production: 224 cases
Released: September 2008
2007 Red X Winemaker’s Blend
Vineyard: 76% Lake County, 15% Napa County, and 9% Sonoma County
Blend: 60% Syrah, 21% Cabernet Sauvignon, 19% Zinfandel
Aging: 16 months in 19% new French oak, 8% new American oak, 73% neutral oak
TA: 7.5 g/L
RS: <4 g/L
Production: 1200 cases
Released: April 2009