Sgt. Dazzle? Orange Blinder? The Squintifier? It's a big decision, so I don't want to rush it. All I'm sure of is that when I do settle on my superheroic moniker, it has to (1) strike fear into the hearts of miscreants and megalomaniacs, and (2) have something to do with my secret weapons: these two EzyFlare Roadside Flares.
The world knows them as mild-mannered roadside safety devices and rescue beacons. But when evil strikes - or when somebody tries to steal my hubcaps again - they transform into orange, blinking fists of justice. If the moving LED pulse around the rim doesn't get you, the flashing LEDs in the middle will. All I have to do is brandish these up in your face and you'll be left dazed and disoriented, primed for me to finish you off with a crippling wasp-fu assault!
(Wasp-fu is a hybrid martial art I invented. It combines the lethal power of kung fu with the intense annoyance of being stuck - or stung, really - with straight pins. And yes, it's as devastating as it sounds.)
Now that I'm EazyFlared up, once I get over to the sporting goods place and get those catcher's shinguards, my equipment and training will be complete. All I have to do is pick a name and I'm in the superhero business. Look for me and my EzyFlare Roadside Flares wherever goodness is threatened, wherever justice is imperiled, wherever the weak are bullied by the strong and the nice cower before the mean!
Or wherever somebody's car breaks down by the side of the road. I'm pretty much perfect for that.
Warranty: Limited Lifetime Manufacturer
Visible for 1.5 Miles (2.5 Kilometers / 8000 Feet)
Visible from air and land, the beacon is essential for motoring, camping, boating, hiking
When activated, the continually moving LED pulse around the outer edge of the unit, in combination with a flashing LED cluster in the center of the unit
Built-in stand to allow the warning light to be left in an upright position
Rubber feet on the bottom prevent damage to surfaces
And why disabuse your cat of this mistaken notion? If he realizes how figuratively and literally neutered he is, he might just decide to do something about it. Those claws...those teeth...those silent footsteps...and you, asleep for hours during the time of day when cats are the most active. You wouldn't stand a chance. Let kitty keep her delusions of savagery, and you'll get to keep your life.
Wear this shirt: the next time some meanie tries to tell you cats are for sissies.
Don't wear this shirt: to Mittens' funeral. Remember the good times.
This shirt tells the world: "Rub my tummy or I'll pick your bones clean."
We call this color: Catastrophalt.
Design Placement: Centered
3X - S: 15" x 18.64"
WXL - WS: 11.25" x 13.98"
K12 - K4: 9" x 11.18"
Not at all. Under normal circumstances, we try to maintain a varied mix of wineries, and to avoid going back to the same well too soon. But when an opportunity presents itself to feature a recently-released Pinot Noir from the crazy-acclaimed Roessler Winery at an eminently wootable price...well, those are not what we call "normal circumstances".
This is the same Roessler Winery who has recently had four different Pinot Noirs score 92 points or above in Wine Spectator, and seven score at least 90. Pinot Noir is their business, and business is good. In its short life, the Roessler 2007 Bluejay Anderson Valley Pinot Noir looks set to uphold the illustrious Roessler Pinot tradition. It's already been named <A href="http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/20090421/LIFESTYLE/904219905?Title=Former-restaurateur-turns-to-making-pinot">Wine of the Week</A> by the Santa Rosa Press-Democrat. When Roessler offered us a shot at it, we knew we had to jump before the rest of the world got hip to the Bluejay trip.
And what a rich, complex trip it is. Inhale deeply of its dark fruit, sweet oak, forest floor, and mushroom nose. Sup lustily of its much redder-fruity palate layered with chocolate, smoke, mushroom, and spice. Marvel at how cheaply you were able to enjoy its balanced structure and long, textured finish. When you wrap your palate around the Roessler 2007 Bluejay, you won't be wondering why we feature Roessler so often. You'll be wondering why we don't feature Roessler more often.