(1) Garrity KE700GST06N Rechargeable LED Flashlight with Nitelite
Description: (click show to see it)
"Oooh, Garrity, I wouldn't hang around here if I was you. The boss is awful steamed."
"Steamed at a harmless little pussycat like me? He must have me mixed up with somebody else. I'm a credit to the police force. Officer Serve-and-Protect himself, that's me."
"Garrity! I knew I heard something annoying out here! In my office, now!"
"OK, Chief, you got me. What shakes?"
"Close the door. Now tell me something, Garrity. How is it that my phone's been ringing off the hook with people complaining about you?"
"Beats me, Chief. Ask Alexander Graham Bell."
"Real funny, Garrity. But you know who's not laughing? The Mayor. And the City Council President. And the Commish. And the publisher of the Herald-Dispatch. And Cornelius van Vanderfeller. Somehow, Garrity, you've ticked off every person of consequence from here to Syracuse. Pretty impressive on a detective's salary."
"Well, at least dear old Mom still loves me."
"Look, Garrity. Take a tip from me: there are an awful lot of dark corners in this city. You go shining a double-bright Nichea LED into all of 'em, you never know what might jump out."
"Thanks for the advice, Dear Abby. Real inspiring stuff. You learn that at the Academy, or was that part of your on-the-job training?"
"Dammit, Garrity, if you want to change the world, put on a backpack and join the Peace Corps. This city works a certain way, and it might not be pretty, but you have to understand-"
"No, Chief, you have to understand. You have to understand that I joined this force because I'm just dumb enough to believe all that gab about justice and honesty and serving the people. So if my beam happens to hit something that may make certain people uncomfortable, I'm not smart enough to sweep it under the rug - no matter how fancy that rug might be. And silly old me, I'll keep shining a light on it until they put a bullet in me or until my 15-hour charge runs out. I'm awful dumb that way."
"Sure. Just one question: should we call you 'Officer' or 'Detective' on your tombstone?"
"Just call me the Garrity KE700GST06N Rechargeable LED Flashlight."
Warranty: Two Year Garrity
Nichia 2X brighter LED lasts up to 100,000 hours (11.4 years)
Provides bright, long-lasting light
Automatically lights when power fails
Emergency preparedness lighting
Red LED light indicates charging
Automatic night light turns on at dusk and off at dawn
Full charge provides up to 15 hours of continuous light
Initial 20 hour charging period
Uses only one outlet during charging, leaving the other one free
Accepts 500 cycles (full charges)
Rechargeable 4AA Ni-MH batteries included
For household use only
In the box:
Rechargeable LED Power Light
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One thousand large dinosaurs
Various predators and misfortunes and dangers
Place the large dinosaurs in the saucepan, full of the misfortunes, dangers and predators. Let dinosaurs simmer uncovered for exactly twenty five million years. Stir. You should see a reduction in dinosaur size, and notice around half the dinosaurs are gone.
Cover the dinosaurs and let simmer for an additional thirty five million years. Check the dinosaurs again. The few that remain should appear smaller and somewhat greenish-white. Add the humans and stir. Let sit for five million years.
You should notice that all the humans have left to populate the stars after a war with their android slaves, leaving behind mysterious artifacts, strange writings, and a few stragglers that think their civilization is only a few thousand years old. Pour them into a glass to dispose of later. The one remaining dinosaur will be white with feathers and seem really stupid. Consume. Serves 1-2.
Wear this shirt: to show the host or hostess that you can be very patient when dinner is running a little late.
Don't wear this shirt: when you're delivering pizzas in thirty minutes or less.
This shirt tells the world: "Wait long enough by the river and the body of your enemy will float by."
We call this color: Once said a young lady named Jean/
To a boy with his own time machine/I'll let you come over/When hell freezes over/So he called on her descendant, Kelly Green
Design Placement: Centered
3X - S: 13" x 3.55"
WXL - K4: 9" x 2.46"
"No, no. See, the winery is called Lange Twins. And we're selling four bottles."
"So four different bottles?"
"Well, not exactly. It's two identical bottles each of two different Lange Twins wines."
"So that's two times two but then they're twins...so what is that? Eight bottles? Or no, sixteen bottles?"
"Like I said, four bottles. Look, forget about the twins part. Two of the bottles are a 2006 Merlot, 70% Clarksburg and 30% Lodi. It's a full-structured, soft red with a rich ripe-blackberry aroma and notes of berry and cocoa powder on the palate. The other two bottles are a 2006 Cabernet Sauvignon from Lodi. Those two are well-balanced and well-rounded, with layered anis and dark plum on the nose and dark berry flavors. They're both made with the sustainable methods and decades of experience that have made Randy and Brad Lange such fixtures on the Lodi winemaking scene."
"Randy and Brad, huh?"
"So who are the other two?"
"The other two what?"
"The other two Lange quadruplets."
"No - it's not - they're not - see, it's - forget it. Um, their names are, uh, Apollo and Ferris. Randy, Brad, Apollo, and Ferris Lange. The Lange quadruplets."
"OK, cool. I don't see why that had to be so complicated."
Fourth-generation farmers, third-generation grape growers, and first-rate winemakers, Randy and Brad Lange have been crafting sustainably-grown Lodi wines since they were barely out of their bunk beds. Now the fifth generation of Langes is working on the farm, too, with the sixth one in diapers - at this rate, the Lange Twins label will outlive any of us.