What medical problem was I enduring? Why was I on the roof? What was Sen. Robert Menendez (R-New Jersey) doing there? And why was he crying? I've already told the judge and the jury the answers to all those questions. Consult the transcripts if you really need to know.
The important thing is, when I really needed it, the iRobot Looj Gutter-Cleaning Robot was there for me. Spinning at 500 RPM, the three-stage auger tunneled through all the filth in my gutter, both natural and man-made. Thanks to the wireless remote, it responded obediently to my commands - a characteristic I demand in all of my associates. Fortunately, my gutters are more than 3-1/4" wide and 2-1/4" high, allowing the Looj ample clearance to do its clearance. In minutes, my gutters were flowing free and easy. And I never had to climb on a ladder or put on rubber gloves.
I mean, yeah, I wear rubber gloves all the time anyway. But that's just me.
Even as America slides into anarchy and panic, a citizen still has certain rights. The right to perform his own dental work without a license. The right to refuse to identify the species of the meat in his freezer. The right to deploy guard wasps to defend his property. And the right to effortlessly clean gutters. Thanks to the iRobot Looj, I'm one step closer to fully realizing those rights. The only way it could be any better is if it knew how to train wasps.
Warranty: 1 Year iRobot
Makes regular gutter cleaning faster, easier, and safer
Cleans dry and wet leaves, pine needles, pine cones and other debris typically found in a gutter
Works with standard K-style, aluminum, copper, metal or vinyl gutters
Can clean a 60-foot section of gutter in 10 minutes
Wireless handle/remote, you control the direction of the robot and the 3-stage auger
3-stage auger spins at 500 RPM to break up sludge and clogs, lift out debris and brush your gutters clean
Clean-up is fast and easy. Simply remove the handle/remote and hose off dirt and debris
Looj fits in gutters that are at least 3-1/4" wide. Gutter straps must be at least 2-1/4" from the bottom of the gutter, as Looj is just under 2 ¼" high and must pass under the straps during operation. Measure your gutters and straps to ensure Looj will work properly
Operates on a 7.2V Nickel Cadmium rechargeable battery, and lasts for 30 to 45 minutes depending upon the amount of debris and sludge clogging your gutters. (Battery life can be improved by only charging the battery when it is fully depleted)
In the box:
iRobot Looj 120 Gutter Cleaning Robot
Handle/Remote (2 AA batteries required)
NiCad Rechargeable Battery
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(1) Asphalt Woot Tee
Description: (click show to see it)
Faaaake creatures are the things for me!
Aaaaaanimals I will never see!
Thaaaat eagle has a lion's paw!
Fictional beasties, I love you one and allll!
Real beings are what I like best.
No lion would live in a nest!
If something isn't in a zoo,
I don't believe in it, neither should you.
Just a goat.
There were none.
But they do look swell. All right, what the hell.
We'll put them on a shirrrrrrrrt!
Wear this shirt: if you've got an open mind. Like, you know, when you're having brain surgery. The doctors might really enjoy it.
Don't wear this shirt: around that freaky guy who wears a full sized velvet cape and thinks he can talk to pixies because he's three quarters dragon. Unless you're maybe wanting an explanation about why this shirt ignores the latest discoveries in cryptozoology.
This shirt tells the world: "Teach the controversy!"
We call this color: Asphalt Me No Questions I'll Tell You No Lies
Design Placement: Centered
3X - S: 13" x 13.97"
WXL - K4: 9" x 9.67"
Repeating that mantra is how us panicky Americans reassured ourselves about Japanese economic power back in the '80s. (Well, that and laughing at corny "East meets West" comedies co-starring Gedde Watanabe.) Sure, you couldn't buy an American-made TV anymore - but at least we invented the damn thing! USA! USA! Never mind that we actually didn't invent it, either. It made us feel better about ourselves, and that's what mattered.
But wouldn't a more positive course of action be to take a Japanese innovation and put a uniquely American stamp on it? It's certainly a tastier course of action, if this Sak�One six-pack is anything to go by. Sak� Master Greg Lorenz and Oregon-based Sak�One take the dragon by the horns and prove that honest-to-Amaterasu premium sak� can hail from either side of the Pacific Rim.
Their Momokawa line is the first sak� to be fully certified organic by the U.S. Department of Agriculture. From the rice paddy to the rice mill to the brewery, every step is in complete compliance with organic standards. Even the screwcap and the label are made from renewable or recycled materials. This bundle includes two 375mL bottles each of two different Momokawa styles: the rich, creamy, silky Nigori, with layered coconut, cream, and pineapple flavors; and the lighter, fruit-forward, big-flavored Junmai Ginjo. If you think Sak�One's commitment to organic principles means they've compromised on quality, take a sip and let yourself be deliciously disabused of that notion.
Then there are the two big bottles of Sak�One Moonstone Coconut Lemongrass Sak�. An all-natural, proprietary coconut lemongrass flavor blend is infused into a creamy Nigori Genshu sak� just prior to bottling, for a taste as bright as the rising sun and as strong as, we dunno, a samurai or something. Shake it well and drink it up, with Thai, Mexican, or other spicy tropical cuisines.
America's ninja industry is still in its infancy, we haven't produced a decent giant monster since King Kong, and perhaps you recall who won the inaugural World Baseball Classic three years ago. (Hint: it wasn't the U.S. team.) But thanks to Sak�One, there's at least one aspect of Japanese culture where America holds its own.
Momokawa Organic Junmai Ginjo:
Tasting: Lush fruit and spice aromas layer their way to big fruit flavors packed in a complex body and long, clean finish.
Rice Polishing: 60%
Sak� Meter Value: +4
Alcohol Content: 14.5%
Moonstone Coconut Lemongrass:
Style: Infused Nigori Genshu sak� (shake well)
Milling: Rice milled to: 60%
Filtration: Roughly filtered for creamy finish
Flavor: All natural proprietary Coconut Lemongrass flavor blend added just prior to bottling to maintain character
Sak� Meter Value: -12
Alcohol Content: 18%
Momokawa Organic Nigori:
Tasting: Rich and silky layers of coconut and cream with big burst of fresh pineapple and a hint of banana.