Because when I stopped at a red light the back doors opened and two passengers got in. I was about to turn around and tell them I was off duty, but when I got a look at 'em, I shut up cold at the sheer oddity of the scene. They were twins, and they couldn'ta been more than a few inches over three feet tall. Not that I see color, you know, but they were black. Male or female? Who knows?
I guess I sat there gaping at them for a few seconds, because I was jarred out of it by them both saying, in unison, "Well? Go!"
"What?" I replied, craftily.
"The light's green! Let's go! You are a cabdriver, right?"
"Oh, right, right! Where to?"
I headed uptown. It was the damnedest thing, the way they talked together at the same time like that, but it actually sounded, well...great. Nice deep bass, but clean, you know? And the highs were as crisp and clear and invigorating as apple schnapps mixed with Mountain Dew. It sounded realistic and lifelike, but more than that, it sounded familiar. Then, at the next stoplight, I looked in the rearview mirror and it all started coming together. The dual 6.5" woofers, the 1" titanium dome compression-driver tweeters with 6" Klipsch Tractrix horns, the Cerametallic cones and cast-polymer frames...I'd seen these speakers before. Yes, I was certain. One more red light and I decided to bring it up.
"So, can I ask you guys something? Are you- ?"
"Yes." They even sighed together. "We're the Klipsch RF-25 Floorstanding Loudspeakers."
"Wow! Klipsch Speakers in my cab! You guys are part of the Reference Series - that's huge! I can't believe it! Wait'll the guys at the garage hear about this! I can't wait to tell Gomez and Flip and Arno and Jerry, and Gerry with a G, and Miami Gordon, and oh, our dispatcher Ethel's a huge Klipsch fan, she'll kill me if I don't get an autograph -"
"Can we go? Please?" It was then I noticed the twins seemed to be a little nervous, looking out the back window like they were cows on the back of a train to the stockyards. Nervous hell. They were terrified.
I turned around and hit the gas and looked back in the rearview just in time to see my doom. A blood red Grand Marquis was weaving and shoving its way through traffic, coming after me as if somebody told the driver I was hiding a free parking space in my underpants. I hit the gas and did some weaving and bumping of my own, almost beheading myself on the underside of a tractor-trailer.
"That's him!" The twins yelped in rich, vibrant audio. "He's coming!"
"Who? Who is it? Who? Who?" It was as articulate as I could be doing 57 in rush hour traffic.
With Release $10.00 + $0 shipping -or- $5 expedited shipping
(1) Olive Woot Tee
Description: (click show to see it)
Maybe you got a black eye, a band-aid on your head, a heart dripping red goo all over your hands, or a body shaped like Pac-Man's spermatozoa. Or maybe you got all of it put together. Point is, so what? You gotta let go of all that. You gotta put it aside and focus on that giant 8-ball you've been dreaming of, or that pencil, or that checkerboard. If you let every minor injury or major injury or physical deformity get you down, you might as well climb into that coffin right now because whatever you're doing, brothers and sisters, it ain't living.
Wear this shirt: to remind yourself to relax and forget about all the money you waste on t-shirts.
Don't wear this shirt: and expect it to solve all of your problems. That's going to take a whole lot more of our t-shirts.
This shirt tells the world: "I'm wide-eyed enough, I'm chubby enough, and gosh darn it, monsters like me."
We call this color: You've Got So Much Olive For.
Design Placement: Centered
3X - S: 11.57" x 19"
WXL - K4: 7.91" x 13"
Darling, when I saw these delicious treats, naturally I thought of you. 'How come,' you ask? Oh, precious, you do have the funniest way with words! Look, it's obvious: First of all, they're delectably sweet, just like you. Yet their sweetness is balanced by complexity, just like yours.
Second, they're presented with the utmost stylishness. Their packaging is, in a word, beautiful. And I know how you value style. Why, you wouldn't dream of even taking the trash out without full makeup and a coordinated ensemble. What's that, gumdrop? Yes, out. It goes out. You know, when the wastebaskets are full. Where did you think it--OK, bad example. You wouldn't think of taking the trash out at all. But my point is--oh, forget it. Moving on.
Third: Like you, these scrumptious morsels have a fiscal prudence about them. Why, the Wall Street Journal itself rated them "Best Overall" and "Best Value" back in February--even at a much higher price than this! I knew someone with your rare subway-token-sucking prowess would appreciate that.
Also, they're "truffles!" Now I know they aren't the kind of truffle that pigs hunt for in the woods, but--forgive me--sometimes I imagine you as one. Particularly when you're out after work at Murphy's, with all those porcine layabouts sniffing and pawing at you!
Finally, just like you, my dear, each of these decadent little goodies is liquid-filled with premium California wines: Cabernet, Port, Champagne and Chardonnay. Speaking of which, you might have left me a glassful, jeeze.
Rated "Best Overall" and" Best Value" by the Wall Street Journal, February 2007
4 packs of 9 wine filled gourmet chocolates.
Hand crafted featuring the finest dark chocolate
Filled with premium California California wines: Cabernet, Port, Champagne, Chardonnay