(2) Dream Cheeky USB Missile Launcher with 3 Foam Missiles
Description: (click show to see it)
We've never talked about it, but we both know it. The "helpful" corrections of each other's weekly reports. The backhanded compliments about each other's shoes. The suggestions for low-calorie recipes we exchange at every company meal. I'm sure to the rest of the office we're just two co-workers like any other, but you and I know that we are bitter enemies. Left unchecked, our rivalry will destroy both of us, and possibly this entire office and the livelihoods of all who depend on it.
That's why it's time for us to settle this like ladies. By now you will have noticed the USB missile launcher I placed in your cubicle, unless you're hung over again. There is a similar rocket launcher at my desk. At noon tomorrow, when Steve and the rest of the managers leave for lunch, I will begin bombarding your cubicle with foam missiles. You will return fire. We will continue this confrontation until one of us gives in and admits she's been a total bitch.
Failure to return fire will be considered a forfeit on your part. If you're supposed to meet Humberto from Shipping in the supply closet for "lunch", call him now and cancel. I'm not asking you - I'm telling you.
Sometime between now and then, hook up the launcher to an open USB port on your computer. You can use your keyboard or mouse to aim and fire the rockets. It's easy enough for even you to figure out, but if you have any problems, call me and I'll walk you through it. Whatever you do, don't call IT. If Steve gets wind of this, he'll stop the whole thing and fire us both. Besides, the IT guys are tired of you bothering them all the time. They probably don't even take your calls anymore.
Oh. In case you're wondering, I still haven't forgotten the time you humiliated me in front of the Board of Directors by "helping" me with the projector screen. And I assume you're probably still obsessed over the way I brushed dandruff off of your shoulder while you were talking to that cute UPS guy. Despite your usual appearance, I thought you might actually want to look good for a change. Excuse me for caring. Anyway, I asked him about it before I left his apartment the next morning and he didn't even remember you. So I don't know what you're all upset about. But whatever.
Once we've settled this with our USB missile launchers, we can get on with our lives - the winner happy and secure in the knowledge of her superiority, the loser humbly accepting her subordinate place, or perhaps finding another job somewhere else. Either way, we'll be able to put our differences behind us and move forward in a spirit of reconciliation, you fat, trashy, mean-spirited slut.
Sure, it's great to soar through the air, but you've got to come down sometime. And when you do, make sure you land at the Aviary, the city's hottest bird-friendly nightspot. Birds of all feathers fly by to enjoy each other's company in a comfortable, upscale atmosphere, and to experience the delicacies on our acclaimed menu. Whether you come for our famous fontina-and-worm flatbread pizza or just to mingle with the coolest birds in town, the Aviary has something that'll unruffle your feathers. The Aviary - birdseed or be seen.
Wear this shirt: to the Aviary, the city's hottest bird-friendly - oh, right, we covered that already.
Don't wear this shirt: to Nest, the rival club opened recently by several longtime Aviary staffers. There's still some bad blood.
This shirt tells the world: "No wonder no birds go there anymore. It's too crowded."
We call this color: Baby Bluebirds Admitted Only With Adult Supervision.
Design Placement: Centered
3X - S: 14" x 14.54"
WXL - K4: 9" x 9.34"
If all you care about is being unique, it's not hard to achieve. That lunatic at the bus stop screaming obscenities about the moon landing? He's marching to his own drum. Haggis is certainly a unique dish, but none but the most intrepid or Scottish diners ever crave it. The <A href="http://www.burbia.com/node/2113">mobile treadmill</A> is a unique transportation idea, mostly because it's a really bad transportation idea.
The same goes for wine. It's not hard to throw together some whimsical blend, or slap a risque label on your bottles, or come up with some crazy marketing tricks, if all you care about is standing apart from the crowd. It's a lot harder to be the kind of unique that puts you at the head of that crowd. Yorkville Cellars knows that. They set up camp in Mendocino County over 20 years ago, convinced that this off-the-wine-path region could produce high-quality fruit. They took full advantage of high altitudes and coastal fogs of the Yorkville Highlands AVA. And they did it organically, way before that was cool.
Now here they come with a trio of Bordeaux varietals all grown on the same estate winery - a unique offering, in the good way. The Yorkville Cellars 2006 Cabernet Franc will be the most familiar-seeming of the three. Its aromatic notes of mocha, smoke, jalapeno, and violets, and its flavors of red fruit and currant, sometimes recall the character of Merlot or Cabernet Sauvignon. But neither varietal is quite as perfect with roasted pork, or lamb kabobs.
Malbec is slowly creeping into the American wine consciousness, but usually from Argentina. The Yorkville 2006 Malbec is one of the few produced in California, where less than one-quarter of one percent of vineyard acres are dedicated to this traditional Bordeaux varietal. It's rich, it's fruity, it's spicy, it's - that word again - unique.
Another varietal rarely seen in California is Petit Verdot, and when you do see it, it's usually part of a blend. Stepping out on its own with the Yorkville 2006 Petit Verdot, this late-ripening grape shows off its aromas of spice and sandlewood; its plum and cherry mid-palate; and its smooth, medium-tannin finish. Word is, it'll be even better in 6-8 years.
When they started growing back in the '80s, Yorkville Cellars could've taken another path. It's hard to strike out into an underappreciated wine region, and to adopt organic techniques, and to produce top-shelf wine from rarely-seen varietals. It would've been easier to have gone the gimmick route, resorting to any corny stunt they could think of to make themselves seem different. But if they had, Yorkville probably wouldn't be here today.