(1) National Geographic NG705GWSK Men's Pioneer Series DiveMaster Strap Watch
Description: (click show to see it)
When it comes to lies I tell to impress women, none of them work better than the old deep-sea diver routine. In one short sentence, I go from "random shlub in unflattering khakis" to "rugged international man of adventure". And since most people are not deep-sea divers, the chances I'll get called out are slim. If you're going to practice this approach to capturing the great white female (no racial preference implied - I'm drawing a Moby Dick parallel here, and believe me, I dig all chicks equally), just follow these guidelines.
The right lingo. Be sure to drop lots of cryptic talk about "back gas" and "feeding the fish" and "riding the hook" and "the Dry Tortugas." Memorize this sentence: "It was snotty out there, but I nabbed some legal bugs before I shot a bag for a floating deco." What does it all mean? It means you're a hotshot scuba jockey that the other person would like to get to know, that's what.
The right accent. It doesn't matter which one. If you're in the States, a French accent will do wonders, thanks to the whole Cousteau thing. If you're in France, lay on the California surfer brogue. The important thing is, you're from somewhere else. Women love that. (Developing a stable of convincing accents will also help with some of the other great romantic fakeouts, like "Spy", "Art-Movie Director", and "Soccer Star Who Is Huge In Europe, As Far As You Know".)
The right attire. Leave the swim fins and the air tanks at home. No sense in laying it on too thick. But some subtle visual reinforcement of your undersea exploits is definitely called for. I wear the National Geographic Pioneer Series DiveMaster Watch just a few inches from where I had that fake sharkbite scar tattooed on. It's got all kinds of diving-oriented features on it, including a depth meter, water thermometer, and elapsed time chronograph. More importantly, the dome-shaped face and black-and-yellow band look all dive-y and stuff. Play it right and this watch won't just help you keep time, it'll help you make time.
So there you go. And oh, yeah, remember that dolphins aren't actually fish. That one got me in trouble one time. Take this advice and I promise you, you'll soon be doing the breast-stroke on dry land.
Warranty: 2 Year Engana
Stainless steel dive watch with chronograph and timer
Integrated digital depth gauge and temperature sensor
Water Resistance: 20 ATM - 200 meters - 660 feet
Displays time in hour, minute, and second; month, date, and day
12/24 hour format
Three programmable independent alarms with hourly chime
Stainless Steel case with screw-down case back
Polyurethane Sport strap (black with yellow accent)
So remember: you might have an office job, but it doesn't mean the dream is gone. Just be respectful to your cubicle-mates and don't crank it higher than 6. Also try not to tie up the copier when you're trying to make samples of that cool vrrrr noise. Even rock gods have to be polite.
Wear this shirt: around Brian Eno. This is exactly the sort of thing he'd want to try.
If all you care about is being unique, it's not hard to achieve. That lunatic at the bus stop screaming obscenities about the moon landing? He's marching to his own drum. Haggis is certainly a unique dish, but none but the most intrepid or Scottish diners ever crave it. The <A href="http://www.burbia.com/node/2113">mobile treadmill</A> is a unique transportation idea, mostly because it's a really bad transportation idea.
The same goes for wine. It's not hard to throw together some whimsical blend, or slap a risque label on your bottles, or come up with some crazy marketing tricks, if all you care about is standing apart from the crowd. It's a lot harder to be the kind of unique that puts you at the head of that crowd. Yorkville Cellars knows that. They set up camp in Mendocino County over 20 years ago, convinced that this off-the-wine-path region could produce high-quality fruit. They took full advantage of high altitudes and coastal fogs of the Yorkville Highlands AVA. And they did it organically, way before that was cool.
Now here they come with a trio of Bordeaux varietals all grown on the same estate winery - a unique offering, in the good way. The Yorkville Cellars 2006 Cabernet Franc will be the most familiar-seeming of the three. Its aromatic notes of mocha, smoke, jalapeno, and violets, and its flavors of red fruit and currant, sometimes recall the character of Merlot or Cabernet Sauvignon. But neither varietal is quite as perfect with roasted pork, or lamb kabobs.
Malbec is slowly creeping into the American wine consciousness, but usually from Argentina. The Yorkville 2006 Malbec is one of the few produced in California, where less than one-quarter of one percent of vineyard acres are dedicated to this traditional Bordeaux varietal. It's rich, it's fruity, it's spicy, it's - that word again - unique.
Another varietal rarely seen in California is Petit Verdot, and when you do see it, it's usually part of a blend. Stepping out on its own with the Yorkville 2006 Petit Verdot, this late-ripening grape shows off its aromas of spice and sandlewood; its plum and cherry mid-palate; and its smooth, medium-tannin finish. Word is, it'll be even better in 6-8 years.
When they started growing back in the '80s, Yorkville Cellars could've taken another path. It's hard to strike out into an underappreciated wine region, and to adopt organic techniques, and to produce top-shelf wine from rarely-seen varietals. It would've been easier to have gone the gimmick route, resorting to any corny stunt they could think of to make themselves seem different. But if they had, Yorkville probably wouldn't be here today.