Stanley supposed he was happy, for someone who lived such a grey, humdrum life. His job processing car-insurance applications wasn't exciting, but it was steady work. His two-bedroom ranch house wasn't exciting, but it was a roof over his head. His wife Janice (or was it Janet?) wasn't exciting, but she was someone to come home to. Stanley supposed he was happy, though he wasn't sure what "happy" meant.
Then one day he saw something at a hardware store. Nothing special, to most people. Just a Stanley 20-Piece 1/4" Socket Set. Useful enough when you need that sort of thing. But its gleaming silver parts, lined up in smart military order, turned a screw somewhere deep inside Stanley. It was...exciting.
It was all he could think about, all he wanted to be. His every moment ached for the life of that 20-piece ratchet set. His whole heart yearned to to be a six-point drive socket that met all ANSI standards. He couldn't concentrate on work, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. Janet (or was it Jeanette?) never noticed a thing.
In his darker moments, shadowed by the certainty that he would never be a ratchet set and would always go on being an insurance application processor, he even considered suicide.
Then, one morning, Jeanette (or was it Janice?) woke up in bed alone. Stanley was gone. The only clue to his disappearance was a Stanley 20-Piece 1/4" Socket Set on the pillow next to her. And while she wouldn't have said it this way, the socket set seemed, somehow, happy.
Ah, childhood. So innocent. So free. That hard shell of aloof disdain still hasn't developed and everything is made new, each and every morning. A pretty green glow? How could that be dangerous? You have to be careful around the edges of the glass but everyone knows that.
No begging for deadly weapons. No strange cravings for pizza. No angry rebellion or bursting hormones that want to go out and start a fight. There's not even any interest in pretty girl reporters or staying out after dark. There's just a slow and steady sort of love that you wish and hope will never change.
This shirt was designed by: DeadFrog. He tried to get a dose of radioactive isotope so that he'd get superpowers, but who ever heard of a superpowered frog? So he just died. He's in froggy heaven now. It's kinda like chicken heaven but a bit less meat.
Wear this shirt: to hide your chest hare. Get it? Get it? Because a tortoise beats a... aw, come on. We're in <a href="http://www.woot.com/blog/?cat=CES">Vegas</a> this week and we're exhausted. Give us a break.
Don't wear this shirt: if you think that it would be cute to feed antifreeze to turtles. It's not cute. It's just mean.
This shirt tells the world: "Go Ninja Go Ninja Go"
We call this color: Much Like Other Famous Child Stars, They Lost Olive Their Money And Had To Pose For Playboy In Order To Pay The Rent
Design Placement: Centered
3X - S: 13" x 6.48"
WXL - K4: 8.5" x 4.23"
(1) Arcosteel 7184-0184 Stainless Steel Bar Set/Pro Wine Puller
Description: (click show to see it)
If you went for an omelet, would you be happy with a pile of chopped up peppers and three raw eggs? Of course you wouldn't. You'd be out of that diner faster than a short stack of pancakes. So why do you insist on having parties where your guests drink plain old liquor? They're all talking about you behind your back, you know.
If you want to win them back to your side, get this Six Piece Bar Set and Table Mounted Cork Screw. A nice bar set can open up a new world of cocktails, and cocktails are the gateway to the jet set. "Shaken not stirred", remember?
The key to a fine cocktail is your very own double jigger. With a double jigger in hand, the cocktail turns from a mystic art to a scientific process. Guesses can finally become measurements. Soon you're learning how to curl an orange peel and buying imported bitters. Before you know it, everyone is coming to your place on the weekend and bringing their friends. And where there's friends, there's a party!
An ice bucket with tongs and a lid means you can be charming your new friends behind the bar instead of yelling from the other room as you stare at the dead fish in your freezer. An 8" wine cooler means you can have that white at the perfect temperature the moment the chicken is served, or maybe prepping the champagne? The martini shaker... well, you're smart enough to figure that one out on your own, Moneypenny.
And when everyone's gone home but one? You can bypass that awkward "Wow, this cork's really in there, huh?" moment with a Table Mounted Cork Screw of professional quality. Mount it on your table or counter and let it do the hard work. All you'll need to do is pour and smile.
A home with a bar set is a first step down a path to a grown-up world where you can enjoy the drink, rather than the drinking. Take yourself back to a time when the H.R. Department had the best whiskey and "I work for the government" was an impressive thing to say. Find that swinging class of people with a Six Piece Bar Set and Table Mounted Cork Screw. And maybe think about a hat. You could probably rock a hat.
Warranty: 1 Year Breville
Table-Mounted professional Corkscrew Features:
A high-quality, sturdy wine and champagne opener suitable for home use as well as use in resturaunts, hotels and bars.
Easy to operate
Mounts to edge of table or counter.
Stainless steel finish
Acrosteel Duo Style Collection Bar Set Features:
Attractive and durable stainless steel
8" tall and 5" diameter stainless wine cooler
6 1/4" tall by 6" diameter stainless ice bucket with stainless handle and stainless sealing lid
8" tall by 3" diameter stainless martini shaker with stainless lid