Merry Christmas! Wow, what have you done to your hair? No, it does
look great, it's just so... surprising! We never thought you'd cut it.
What's this? You got us a gift? Did you sell your hair to get us a
gift? Oh, we're going to cry. We're totally going to... hang on, this is
just... no, it's sweet, really... we know, we know, that's the bandwidth
cozy we've been asking for all year, it's just... well, heck, it's just
that we gave up all our bandwidth to get you this Stocking of Crap.
this cozy's too nice to use right now. Let's set it aside until later
in the day, when we can fill it with tears and death threats and broken
hearts. We're just a couple of fools, aren't we? We should <a href="http://shirt.woot.com/">go over to the random shirt sale at shirt.woot</a> and tell Joel all about it. But not yet. Right now we just want to read the traditional holiday rules.
EVEN THOUGH THE QUANTITY FOR THIS SALE IS LIMITED TO ONE, YOU'LL STILL GET THREE CRAPS. YOU'LL PAY THREE DOLLARS FOR YOUR THREE CRAPS.
review. One bag. Three dollars (plus shipping). Three craps. Dasher,
Dancer, Prancer. Any more reindeer than that and we have to start
filling out paperwork with the FAA. Just buy one bag. One.
THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v3.1 CHRISTMAS VERSION:
I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond ONE bag of some kind and THREE crappy items. Even if you were the one who left out milk and cookies last night. But it was delicious, thank you.
Silent night, holy night, thou shalt not whine thy crap ain't right.
Even if you think other people got better crap, you will still have to
thank Gramma for the nice itchy sweater. If they make fun of you they
aren't your real friends.
Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off
just not buying this crap and putting that three dollars in the bank
for your college fund.
IV. Thou shalt not expect better crap
just because things are different this time. Crap is crap, and no
matter how much you hope for a gold ring, a lady dancing and a swimming
swan, we all know you'll be winding up with a calling bird and two
french hens that miss their friend. The calling bird might support
V. To paraphrase Kirsty McCall and The Pogues: If
you want better ones, well so does everyone, some people plead to be as
lucky as you. Enjoy the crap you get, be thankful in your home, and
rest assured we wish you all a Merry Christmas.
THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v2.0:
I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond one bag of some kind and your chosen quantity of crappy items (which should be THREE).
II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people's crap turns out to be nicer than yours.
III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.
IV. Thou shalt not order just one crap and blame it on anything but your own inattention.
V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.
The crap will be shipped via SmartPost, the crappiest shipping method available to us.
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(2) 2004 375ml Shadow Canyon Late Harvest Pinot Blanc
Description: (click show to see it)
You ask us, fungus gets a bad rap. Sure, there are places you don't
want to find it, like between your toes or in your lungs or all over
your elm trees. But you wouldn't want to find pretty much anything
living between your toes, right? Why does fungus take all the blame?
It's easy to get creeped out by the idea of fungus. But without it,
we'd have no bread, no beer, no soy sauce, no penicillin, no blue
cheese. And don't get us started on mushrooms.
Shadow Canyon Cellars noticed a persistent fungus problem in the Pinot
Blanc vines in one section of the Bien Nacido Vineyards, how did they
react? After all, these were 33-year-old own-rooted vines supplied by
UC-Davis, a source of budwood for Pinot Blanc vines all over the state,
being manhandled by mean old fungus. Did the growers run shrieking like
so many other fungophobes would?
Don't bet your spores on
it. They actually intensified the conditions that helped produce
botrytis, the fungus behind the classic late-harvest Sauternes dessert
wines from France. A nightly sprinkler bath encouraged the development
of botrytis, the "Noble Rot" that's so bad for dry Pinot Blanc but so
good for the sweet stuff. Nature did the rest. Under the right
conditions, those fungi breed like microscopic, much-less-cute rabbits.
result is the Shadow Canyon Cellars 2004 "Paeonia" Pinot Blanc. While
only the third Paeonia offering, it's already taking its place as one
of the great California late harvest dessert wine, thanks to Bien
Nacido Vineyards' ideal terroir and the aforementioned botrytis.
Super-ripe honey, apricot, and peach notes strike a balance of sugar
and acidity that leave one's mouth coated in a thick layer of ecstasy.
we don't want to bump into fungus in certain intimate contexts. But in
its proper place, fungus does more than its share to make our lives
that much more pleasurable. The Shadow Canyon Cellars 2004 "Paeonia"
Pinot Blanc is just one more reason why.
2004 Shadow Canyon Late Harvest Pinot Blanc:
Varietal: Pinot Blanc
Vinyard Source: Bien Nacido Vineyard Santa Maria Valley
Brix at Harvest: 44.25
Residual Sugar: 27.4%
Production: 220 cases
Release Date: July 2007
This wine.woot is multiple bottles of the same type of wine. We're just showing you the back label now in the product pic.