'Twas the night before Christmas, and all the presents were hid.
Not a creature was stirring, not even a squid.
The lights were all plugged into an old powerstrip
When click! - uh-oh! The strip's surge protector tripped.
I threw the switch to bring the lights back on
But it had no effect. The strip's power was gone.
Our tree was still dark, the lights no longer glowed;
So I ran out and drove my Accord through the snow.
The first place I stopped - it was Walgreen's, I think -
Could only sell me Doritos and energy drinks.
I drove somewhere else, willing myself to believe;
But Target was closed by this time Christmas Eve.
Christmas without lights? You might as well say
Let's just cancel the whole entire damned day.
I drove on, determined, through the howling snow -
Then lost control of the car and spun off the road!
The tires, they sent up a terrible squeal.
I passed out when my head bumped the steering wheel.
And as I sat semiconscious, half-awake, half-asleep,
Before my eyes a vision most slimy did creep.
His tentacles were many, his eyes huge and cold,
His beard was a disturbing sight to behold.
And a cap on his inhuman head did appear
In a grotesque burlesque of holiday cheer.
This unspeakable horror then moved to speak
Through the horrific maw of his razor-sharp beak.
"I come to you now from the depths of your id.
Though I have many names, call me Santa Squid.
"I fly through the air come Christmastime
Spreading holiday joy and holiday slime.
I have heard your wishes to restore your lights
So I bring you a gift on this wint'ry night.
"The Philips PowerSquid is the gift I'm bestowing.
It's the handsomest way to get your Christmas tree glowing.
And when you finally get it back to your place
You'll find it's much more than just a pretty face.
"Hope this helps you get your Christmas lights on.
Merry Christmas." And with that, Santa Squid was gone.
I wanted to reach out to this beast as he faded
Though everything about him made me nauseated.
That's all I remember 'til I woke up Christmas Day
In the driver's seat of my Accord in my own driveway.
The first glimmers of morning were beginning to gleam.
I was starting to think it was all just a dream.
Then I looked in the passenger seat, and surprise!
What sight do you think met my wondering eyes?
You may not believe it, but I tell you I did
See the distinctive shape of a Philips PowerSquid.
Five flexible outlets, each with a cord! A 15-amp circuit breaker with all the safeguards!
Our lights would glow anew, our Christmas was saved
By the convenient powerstrip that Santa Squid gave.
At least, I think that's the explanation
But I'll never really know without corroboration.
Or did I order it from Woot last year? Maybe I did.
But anyway: Merry Christmas! And to all a good squid!
Warranty: 90 Day Philips
5 flexible outlets separate cords that are all adapter spaced accommodate multiple devices without crowding
amp circuit breaker, Safeguards against overburdening the surge
protector by sensing when the connected equipment is drawing more
electricity than the surge protector can handle. It then disconnects
from the power, guarding against electrical fires
Master on/off switch controls power to the outlets on the surge protector
Power indicator light, indicates that the surge protector is drawing power from the AC outlet
In the box:
Philips SPS1596WA/17 PowerSquid Power Strip
Got some updated prices? Click here and update them!
sans alibi $10.00 + $0 shipping -or- $5 expedited shipping
(1) Red Woot Tee
Description: (click show to see it)
"Uh-oh, Otis... Here's another one for you!"
Here's Aunt Norma's present. Ugh, it's the same thing every year. Yeah,
I can feel it through the paper. Definitely another sweater. Why does
she do this to me? Mom's totally going to make me wear it to school,
too. It's like they both want me to get beat up as often and as
thoroughly as possible.
"Open it, Otis! Let's see what it is!"
that's it. Maybe it's like a "Boy Named Sue" kind of thing, where I'm
supposed to get tougher by wearing this hideous thing. Oh, god, look at
this thing. It's worse than <a href="http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=4508">last year</a>.
Wow! Oh, that's beautiful. Oh, Otis, you're so lucky to have an aunt
who does this for you. She works so hard on those. Ooh, I love the red
Yeah, it won't show the blood that spills from my broken nose.
"What do you say, Otis?"
"Thanks, Aunt Norma."
shirt was designed by: a crack team of Woot elves, happy little
creatures who busily work and sing all year 'round in their tiny
workshop, creating gifts they're sure you'll enjoy.
And by "crack team"--yes, we mean they're all completely out of their little brains on crack.
Wear this shirt: to the apr�s-skateboard lounge, somewhere it doesn't snow.
wear this shirt: to Mme Defarge's house. It's got a coded message in it
that only she can read, denouncing you for crimes against the
This shirt tells the world: "I pick knits."
We call this color: Hold This ThRed As I Walk Away
Design Placement: Centered
3X - M: 15.5" x 19.22"
S - WS: 11.62" x 14.42" K12 - K4: 9" x 11.16"
INTELLIGENCE DOSSIER: Clos LaChance gang HIGHEST CLEARANCE EYES ONLY - DESTROY AFTER READING
small but potent operation has carried out activities in the Central
Coast region of California since at least 1987. Their M.O. emphasizes
diverse varietals, sustainability, and careful vine management,
allowing Clos LaChance to strike fear into the hearts of many larger
competitors. Currently, the three Clos LaChance operatives most wanted
in connection with this case are:
Clos LaChance 2006
Buff-Bellied Zinfandel: considered the softer, more balanced, more
reasonable member of the outfit, the 2006 Buff-Bellied Zinfandel is
still highly dangerous, especially to those with preconceptions about
what Zinfandel can be. Notorious for its berry, cocoa, and vanilla
flavors and aromas. Has enormous affection for food, particularly spicy
or peppery cuisine like pasta with sausuage, moussaka, and pepperoni
Clos LaChance 2006 Estate Grenache: intense
concentration and a dark undertone mark this member of the Clos
LaChance operation. Informants report that it often seems about to lose
control of its volatile ripe strawberry and rhubarb pie aromas, and
raspberry and red cherry flavors. But it's also surprisingly complex
and balanced, making it a highly formidable operative. Also very
versatile and well-prepared for a variety of settings, including with
paella, barbecued chicken wings, and calamari in tomato sauce.
LaChance 2005 Crimson Topaz Meritage: the oldest of the three, the 2005
Crimson Topaz Meritage is of mixed Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon, and
Cabernet Franc parentage, with smaller amounts of Malbec and Petite
Verdot. Sometimes taunted as a "half-breed" or "mongrel", this member
of the gang is said to have a chip on its shoulder, always determined
to prove itself to its peers with random acts of deliciousness.
Distinguishing marks include red plum, cherry fruit, and dried tobacco
aromas; black plum, currant, and earth flavors; and a hint of firm
tannins on the finish. Known to prefer New York striploin, Cajun
spices, and goat cheese.
They are sometimes known to travel
together. If these three suspects are located, particularly all in one
place, do not hesitate to place them into your custody. We cannot
afford to let them get away.
2006 Estate Grenache
Blend: 100% Grenache Alcohol: 14.5%
Appellation: Central Coast PH: 3.28
Harvest Dates: September 27, 2006 TA: 0.64
Bottling Dates: July 18, 2008
Total Cases: 500
Release Date: November, 2008
2006 Buff-Bellied Zinfandel
Blend: 91% Zinfandel, 08% Petite Sirah, 1% Alicante Bouchet.