(1) Whistler XTR-550 Radar and Laser Detector with Real Voice Alerts
(1) FedEx 2 Day Express Shipping
Description: (click show to see it)
Naw, I ain't seen him in years. We don't get along. He don't even
come by my place anymore, especially since I got thrown into the joint.
You have any idea what it's like having a brother like him? Nobody ever
wants to sit on my lap or send me letters. They all just wanna know if
my brother's real, or how he gets to so many houses in one night, or
how they can get on the "nice" list. Nobody cares about getting to know
the real Donnie Wayne Kringle.
And I could never measure up.
That's pretty much how I wound up in here. Couple of Decembers ago, it
was. I was sitting in that storage space I used to live in, freezing my
mistletoe off, flipping around the channels trying to avoid all the
Christmas crap, when I turned it to that movie The Santa Clause.
I just lost it. What's he ever done to get a big star like Tim Allen to
play him in a movie? Why couldn't it be me? Then it hit me: it could be me.
I had to do was load up my El Camino with presents and take them around
to every kid in Burnette County. Now I grant you, that's not as
impressive as hitting every house in the whole world. But if I could
pull that one off with no magic reindeer, no elves, and hell, most
people not even having chimneys around here, that'd show him and the
whole world who the better man was.
So I shoveled pretty much everything in the storage space into my El-C - the VCR that you gotta hold in your lap to get it to work, my SpringFlex, all my Playboys,
everything. And I took off down Rural Route HH into town, fast as I
could. And damned if I didn't go half a mile before the law nailed me.
'Course they ran my license, and 'course they found that
intent-to-distribute beef from Oklahoma that I been dodging all these
years. Long story short, here I am.
If I'da had the Whistler XTR-550 Radar/Laser Detector, it'd be a different story. Its X, K, Ka, and POP
detection would've helped me glide by the fuzz and bring them kids them
presents. Maybe I'd be the one up there in that mansion ordering them
elves around instead of rotting in lockup. I ain't one to play
woulda-coulda-shoulda, but you know what burns me up most about this
whole deal? I had the Whistler XTR-550 on my Christmas list.
Warranty: One Year Whistler
Detects X, K, and Ka radar lasers
Also detects POP mode
Selectable voice alerts
Red Text display with adjustable dim or dark modes
Twin Alert Periscope visual alert
Total Band™ Protection - selectable
360� Total Perimeter Protection™
3 City Modes/Highway Mode
High Gain Lens
Quiet/Auto Quiet Modes
Vehicle Battery Saver - selectable
Safety Warning System - SWS
Patented VG-2 Cloaking™ Technology
Laser Wavelength: 905 ± 10 nanometers (nm)
Operating Temperature Range: -10�C to +70� C (14� F to +158� F)
Power Requirements: Operational 12 to 15 volts DC, 250mA nominal
X Band: 10.500 - 10.550 GHz
K Band: 24.050 - 24.250 GHz
Ka Superwideband: 33.400 - 36.000 GHz
In the box:
Whistler XTR-550 Radar/Laser Detector
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not saying that the smiley face bag over the head isn't a huge asset to
the psychiatric field, far from it. When used by a trained
professional, the smiley face bag over the head can sometimes allow a
bold step forward that simply wouldn't have been possible in the
centuries before smiley face bag over the head technology was
developed. And we'd be the first to point out how many people have gone
on to lead full and productive lives with a smiley face bag over the
But there are those people who take the smiley face
bag over the head to an extreme. Young people who begin to use the
smiley face bag over the head recreationally. Or older people who try
to self-medicate and purposefully use a larger smiley face bag over the
head than their body can handle. Certainly, the smiley face bag over
the head can do great things when properly handled, and we're not
trying to imply otherwise. But please, remember, the smiley face bag
over the head can be dangerous. And it certainly should never be given
to someone without their permission.
This shirt was designed by:
sekiyoku, who now loves Big Brother. That was all it took? A paper bag?
You could have at least held out until they used the rat mask.
Don't wear this shirt: if you would be offended to find out the bag in this drawing isn't made from recycled paper.
This shirt tells the world:
"Your actual opinions are of complete disinterest to me and I have
prepared a way to make you fit into my system of beliefs more easily
and without your permission. Love you!"
We call this color: Cranberry Your True Feelings Deep Down If You Want People To Be Your Friend In Life
Design Placement: Centered
3X - S: 7.37" x 10.5" WXL - K4: 5.52" x 7.87"
Pantone Color(s): White - 176C - 155C - 470C - 490C - Black
We're shipping these 2 day air! Our Rocket Snails are working over time!
Dear Miss Twocents,
Help!! I may need you to save my marriage!
me explain. For the most part, my husband is a real catch: a great
provider, wonderful with the kids, and a good friend. So why am I
writing you? Because our home - and indeed, our lives - have been taken
over by his obsession with hand-blown glass wine decanters.
free inch of our house is full of these things. Do you have any idea
how much space a magnum-sized glass decanter takes up? If you do,
multiply that by ten thousand and you see my problem. He's made token
efforts to sell a few, but when I ask him about moving more of them
out, he starts raving about how he could never let some stranger's
filthy hands touch his precious, precious decanters. I have to drop the
subject before he starts crying.
sturdy vessels, I'll give him that. And the price isn't an issue, since
he buys them direct from the factory. But I can't take it anymore. We
even had to get rid of our pot-bellied pig because there wasn't room
for him. I won't put my kids through that again, no matter how
delicious Spanky turned out to be.
has even begun to affect our love life. Yes, the decanters are stacked
in the bedroom, too. Yes, the stacks are prone to toppling over onto
the bed during intimate moments. I have the stitches to prove it.
What can I do? Please help - I said "I do" to a wonderful man, not a collection of imported glass decanters!
Mrs. S in California
Dear Mrs. S in California,
your husband is clearly insane, I have to wonder if maybe you're the
real problem. After all, proper decanting is essential to freeing a
wine's full flavor and character. Even a crazy person like your husband
understands the wisdom behind the age-old maxim, "You can never have
too many wine decanters." Why can't you?
But if you insist
on depriving the man you say you love of one of his biggest joys in
life, I know a certain web retailer who will take them off your hands.
They won't pay much, but they also don't ask a lot of pesky questions
about the provenance of the items they sell. Let me know if you want
Hope this helps -
Measurements: 9" tall, approximately 8" width at base.