(1) Neat Receipts v3.0 Document Management System with Scanner
Description: (click show to see it)
They didn't get you for murder. They didn't get you for extortion.
They didn't get you for assault, kidnapping, drug smuggling, gun
running, illegal bookmaking, or practicing midwifery without a license.
You'd done all those things and more, yeah. But the only charge that
the Feds could make stick? Tax evasion.
And the ironic thing is, you weren't even cheating on your taxes. You were just disorganized.
you sit behind bars, trying to run your criminal empire through your
flunkies, never quite sure who you can trust. While you shuffle from
the mess hall to the exercise yard to the prison chapel, your enemies
outside are plotting to take everything you've built. You won't know
it's coming until you feel the knife in your back. And you can't help
thinking: if only I'd had the Neat Receipts v3.0 Organizing Scanner.
You could've just plugged it into a USB
port, fed it your receipts, and hit a couple of buttons. Like a good
mob accountant, Neat Receipts would've taken it from there, keeping
everything nice and organized - even exporting them to TurboTax. The IRS bloodsuckers would've gotten the digital receipt copies they were looking for. And you would've stayed out of the clink.
funny, isn't it? You never had time to organize your receipts before.
You were too busy greasing palms and settling scores and having finks
rubbed out to even think about something like the Neat Receipts v3.0
Organizing Scanner. Well, you've got all the time in the world now,
don't you? Funny. Real funny. So funny you could scream.
Scanning system that helps you stay organized at home, at work, and on the go
receipts, business cards, or documents of any size, the intelligent
text recognition converts scans to editable text, then identifies and
digitally files your papers for easy access. After that you can
generate reports and forms when you need them
receipts, maintain accurate records of all your expenses. Analyze your
spending by vendor, date, project, client and more
NEAT Receipts scans are IRS accepted digital copies, you will be incredibly organized for taxes, and you can even export to TurboTax
Easily manage documents for your business, home or both. Quickly find information with keywords search. Create PDF files or convert printed documents to editable text
Digitize your business cards, and import them into Outlook, your PDA, or other contact management solution
Automate your expense reports, with digital copies of your receipts you can create professional
Keyword search, search though receipts, cards, and documents for specific keywords that appear in the text
Intelligent text recognition, convert printed documents to text and you can edit
Smart Sorting, allows you to scan and process multiple documents, and automatically organizes them for you
1-Touch PDF, you can convert paper documents into PDF format with the press of one button
Export Data to Microsoft Outlook, Excel, Word, Money, QuickBooks, Quicken, TurboTax, csv, vCard, Plaxo, HTML, and more
NEAT Receipts maintains the integrity of original scanned receipts to prevent fraud, and are accepted by the IRS
Portable Color / Grayscale / BW CIS
No external power supply needed; runs off USB power
Not Blind $10.00 + $0 shipping -or- $5 expedited shipping
(1) Asphalt Woot Tee
Description: (click show to see it)
September 3rd, 1841
As I write this, the long summer is coming to a close.
This year the town fathers decided to drain the pond. It has prevented
a great many malaria deaths, but I have had precious little to eat.
That fine coat your father made hangs large on me now. I fear you would
not know me if you saw me.
The people in this town do not seem to care for me,
although they are always polite. I think they see me as standoffish and
aloof. I try to make friends but become confused by the noise in the
town square. Sometimes it can be difficult to find my way home. Once I
stayed in a boarding house but the landlady chased me out with a broom
after a few hours so I no longer frequent that establishment.
I wish you were able to visit. I know the city is a long
way away, but it can be very lonely here. I sometimes wish I were there
with you, dangling from the heirloom chandelier and enjoying imported
fruit. But I am determined to prove myself, and to make my fortune
through honest living. And, God willing, I will succeed.
LOS ALAMOS, CA - Long-held assumptions
about American history were rocked today with the announcement of a
discovery that may prove that Vikings visited California as long ago as
Digging in the soil of Los Alamos Vineyard, a team of
archaeologists and enologists unearthed a cache of what appear to be
bottles of Central Coast Sangiovese. The red wine bears a portrait of
T��thstejnn the Red, a previously unknown Norse warrior, along with a
poem fragment paying tribute to T��thstejnn's prowess. The year 2005 is
also inscribed on the bottles. The meaning of another inscription -
"Woot Cellars" - remains obscure, experts say.
never expected to discover evidence of a Viking presence in
California," said lead archaeologist Stud "Dirt" Davis. "And we had no
idea they were into Super Tuscan-style blends. But the more of this
Sangiovese we drank, the more the whole thing made sense, somehow."
the artifacts are museum-quality, Davis said they were also suited for
immediate drinking now. "Sure, we'll put some of these bottles up on
the shelf," he said. "But they're not just collector's items. Wine is
made to be enjoyed."
Davis says the
Sangiovese-Merlot-Cabernet blend's deep red, gemlike quality was
reminiscent of the jewels sometimes used to embellish Viking armor. But
its complexly layered, spicy flavors of cedar, black pepper, vanilla,
cherry, and cocoa - while <a href="http://tv.winelibrary.com/2008/07/15/woot-wine-on-the-thunder-show-episode-501/">familiar</a> to some modern wine drinkers - are unlike anything previously encountered in Norse cuisine.
is kind of brooding and hearty, so there's that," Davis said. "But
otherwise, it's not very, I don't know, Viking-y. It doesn't taste
anything like salted cod, that's for sure."
expressed skepticism about the ability of Norse vessels to reach the
western coast of North America. "Yes, it's true, even the best Viking
ships would have been hard-pressed to reach California," Davis points
out. "But by 2005, they easily could have flown."
Controversy aside, Davis claims that the discovery will change the way we think about Vikings from now on.
they were rapacious pagan plunderers, who left a scorched trail of
misery in their wake. Yeah, they'd just as soon impale you as look at
"But now we know: for all their faults, they had great taste in wine."