(1) HP Officejet 5610 All-in-One Printer, Fax, Scanner, Copier
(1) GSI 4x6 High Gloss Digital Photo Paper (10 sheets)
Description: (click show to see it)
Someone had written "DANGER!" in large black letters on the box of my HP Officejet 5610 All-in-One Printer, Fax, Scanner, Copier. I paid it no mind. I told myself that the worst the HP Officejet
5610 All-in-One Printer, Fax, Scanner, Copier could do is make me buy
more paper. It printed up to 20 black and white pages a minute, and up
to 13 color pages in a different minute that was just as long, but
occurred much later. I was happy to put it on the shelf near my copy of
Strunk and White and my bust of Clive Barker. The printer, that is. Not
the minute. Minutes don't go on the shelf.
Anway, that first
week, it was nothing special. I drank my coffee and enjoyed the ease of
the 25 sheet document feeder. My faxes were going at 33.6 kbps, with or
without a PC connection. Imagine my thrill when I first sent a fax
through a normal phone line! I called my wife in, and she rolled her
eyes and walked out, telling me not to bother her with things like that
By the weekend I was comfortable with the One Touch
buttons to fax, copy and scan. I even started enjoying the High Quality
Document Scanning with the 1200×2400 dpi optical resolution and 48 bit
color depth. I found how to automatically block junk fax numbers to
save me on ink and paper. I began taking the manual to bed at night,
even as my wife covered her head with a pillow and told me harshly to
turn off the lamp.
The next week, though, I lost control. I
began to scan all my old documents, my diplomas, even, briefly, our
cat. My wife came in to find it pressed against the flatbed, meowing
with wide, helpless eyes. She said there was a look on my face that
she'd never seen before, and she rushed over to pull me away. The cat
ran into the living room and I assured her it had just been a moment's
mistake. She told me that she'd had the cat since college, longer than
I'd known her, and that I was to never do such a thing again. I told
her I would make it up to her by making her a nightcap.
few hours later I primed the scanner resolution, going from the Optical
up to 1200 dpi to the Enhanced up to 19200 dpi. It was simple after
studying the manual. My wife was fast asleep, thanks to the crushed
pills I had slipped into her drink. I carried her from her bedroom to
the computer room and undressed her, then, slowly, I dragged her limp
body across the scanner. When I was done, I went to the bag I had
filled that day at the computer store. A bag full of HP 22 Tri-color, HP 27 Black, HP 56 Black, and HP 58 Photo. They were not included, you see. And I would need them all.
morning, I had printed her dopplegangers, one in color, one black and
white, one photo quality. My old wife awoke and looked at the reams
spread out before her and I could see in her eyes that she feared for
her life. But why? For was I not granting her immortality? Was her
memory not forever secure, like a Vulgate, or a copy of Truly Tasteless
Jokes? I drew the letter opener from the empty tomato paste can in
which it was usually kept and advanced toward where she lay. But then,
I met her eyes.
You see, the woman I had just printed was
limp and asleep and full of dreams and perfection. But the woman before
me now had none of that. She called me names that would have made a
sailor run for a dictionary and made it clear that I should kill her
quickly because, if she lived, I would spend the rest of my life in an
agony no human could truly comprehend. And suddenly my mind was
cleared. This was the woman I had married. This was real life.
My wife helped me seal up the HP Officejet
5610 All-in-One Printer, Fax, Scanner, Copier and we took it out to the
curb. Before we left, I took a black pen and wrote "DANGER!" in large
letters. Maybe some single man would find use in its magic. For me,
though, there was no hope. My soul was already lost.
Warranty: 1 Year HP
Print and copy up to 20 pages per minute in black and up to 13 pages per minute in color
Automatically copy, scan, and send faxes with the 25-sheet document feeder
High-quality scanning of documents and photos with 1200×2400 dpi optical resolution and 48-bit color depth
Black and color faxing fast, at 33.6 Kbps, with or without a PC connection
Print and copy 4×6" borderless prints or with borders in any size up to 8.5×11"
One-touch buttons to fax, copy, and scan without your computer
Automatically block junk-fax numbers displayed on your caller ID
HP SureSupply: receive alerts when a cartridge is low, monitor its remaining life
Compatible ink cartridges: HP 22 Tri-color Inkjet Print Cartridge (5 ml), HP 27 Black Inkjet Print Cartridge (10 ml), HP 56 Black Inkjet Print Cartridge (19 ml), HP 58 Photo Inkjet Cartridge (17 ml)
Compatible Ink Cartridges
HP 22 Tri-color Inkjet Print Cartridge (5 ml)
HP 27 Black Inkjet Print Cartridge (10 ml)
HP 56 Black Inkjet Print Cartridge (19 ml)
HP 58 Photo Inkjet Cartridge (17 ml)
<td>Black Print Speed:</td>
<td>Up to 20 ppm</td>
<td>Color Print Speed:</td>
<td>Up to 13 ppm</td>
<td>Black Print Resolution:</td>
<td>Up to 1200 rendered dpi black (when printing from a computer)</td>
<td>Color Print Resolution:</td>
<td>Up to 4800 x 1200 optimized dpi color (when printing from a computer and 1200 input dpi)</td>
2 line text</td>
<td colspan="2" bgcolor="#355842">Photo</td>
<td>Up to 4 x 6 in</td>
<td>Direct Photo Printing:</td>
<td>Memory Card Support:</td>
<td>"Real Life" Technilogies:</td>
HP Adaptive Lighting</li>
HP Auto Red-eye Removal</li>
<td colspan="2" bgcolor="#355842">Scan</td>
<td>Optical: Up to 1200 dpi
Enhanced: Up to 19200 dpi</td>
<td>Scanner Bit Depth:</td>
<td>Maximum Document Scan Size:</td>
<td>8.5 x 11.7 in</td>
<td>Scanner Input Type:</td>
<td colspan="2" bgcolor="#355842">Fax</td>
<td>3 sec per page</td>
<td>Up to 200 x 200 dpi</td>
<td>Incoming Fax Memory:</td>
<td>Up to 100 Pages</td>
<td>Fax Speed Dials:</td>
<td>Up to 80 numbers</td>
<td colspan="2" bgcolor="#355842">Copy</td>
<td>Color: Up to 13 cpm
Black: Up to 20 cpm</td>
<td>Maximum Number of Copies (at one time):</td>
<td>Up to 100 copies</td>
<td>25% to 400%</td>
<td colspan="2" bgcolor="#355842">Dimensions</td>
<td>17.13 x 16.46 x 9.25 in</td>
Supported Operating Systems:
Windows XP Home
Windows XP Professional
Mac OS X v 10.2.8
Mac OS X v 10.3
Mac OS X v 10.4
In the box:
HP Officejet 5601
4x6 Preimium Photo Paper
GSI 4x6 High Gloss Digital Photo Paper (10 sheets)
Got some updated prices? Click here and update them!
knows that an infinite number of monkeys, given access to writing
materials, will produce the complete works of Shakespeare. What is much
less widely known is that you can accomplish the same trick without the
logistical headache that comes from trying to house and feed an
infinite number of monkeys (to say nothing of cleaning an infinite
quantity of primate poop from the bottom of their cages).
Yeah, you can actually do it with just one monkey. The trick, though, is that you have to get just the right monkey.
shirt was designed by: tgentry, who doesn't actually design his Derby
entries himself, but merely serves as the editor and artistic director
overseeing a team of a jillion gazillion monkeys. We're not sure how
many bananas your prize money is going to buy, teej--but probably not
Wear this shirt: so you won't have to go out bare-bodkined.
Don't wear this shirt: to the primate house. Those zoo monkeys get defensive about their lack of book-learning.
This shirt tells the world: "Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! EEE! EEE! That is the question."
We call this color: The Native Hue Of Resolution--Brown
3X - M: 14" x 6.81"
S - WS: 10.5" x 5.1"
Pantone Color(s): - White - 7535 C - 313 C - 316 C - 7532 C - 7523 C
Every so often, the cast of a popular sitcom decides to up stakes
for an episode and visit some exotic locale. This is usually right
before they add a new little kid to the cast because the old little kid
isn't cute anymore. The Keatons in London, the Bradys in Hawaii, the
Conners at Disneyland: the traditional formulas are discarded. Our
familiar TV pals strike new, revealing shapes against an exotic
backdrop. Enchanted tiki idols may be involved.
not about to discover a precocious, wisecracking second cousin who
needs a loving home. But this week, in a very special episode of
Wine.Woot, we take you to exotic Australia for our debut international
offer. And we're not going there for any old kangaroo milk. We're
talking Penfolds, mate. They've been romper-stomping the grapes of
South Oz since 1844, back when Australia was still His Majesty's
biggest prison. Through everything since, through the triumphs of
Olivia Newton-John and the tragedy of Yahoo Serious, Penfolds has won
plaudits, kudos, and even some huzzahs from the global wine community.
And get this: both the 2001 and 2003 Penfolds Bin 28 Kalimna Shiraz
were harvested in, like, March or April or something. But that's the
wacky Bizarro world of the Southern Hemisphere for you. We still
haven't figured out why all their blood doesn't rush to their heads,
with everybody walking around upside-down all the time.
good thing it doesn't. Because then we'd never experience the sublime
Aussie thrill of these two Penfolds Bin 28 Kalimna Shiraz vintages. As
plush and substantial as the cushions in a sultan's harem, the 2001
starts with aromas of dark fruit sprinkled with dark chocolate, cola,
anise, and licorice, joined after swirling by subtle touches of violet,
cured meat, and boiled fruitcake. It's a real smorgasbord for the nose
- and it's not all you want to smell, it's all you can smell. That old Shiraz magic will have your palate in its spell with bountiful prune, plum, and spice notes. Maybe that's why Beverage Dynamics
gave the 2001 Penfolds Bin 28 Kalimna Shiraz a score of 91 and a
four-star review. "Beautiful," they said. "A must-have...any meal would
be honored to have this wine as its pairing."
jealous, 2003 Penfolds Bin 28 Kalimna Shiraz, because people have said
some awfully nice things about your generous, voluptuous charms, too.
Christmas pudding, plum, cherry, spice, and demi-glace aromas! Mocha,
dark chocolate, spice, and plummy, berried fruit flavors! With 90
points from International Wine Cellar and 89 points from Wine Advocate, it's the best-reviewed Australian import since Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
And this one won't make you uncomfortable if you're trying to enjoy it
with your grandparents in the room. Don't leave this one in your cellar
too long - despite its younger age, Penfolds winemaker Peter Gago
recommends drinking the 2003 before its 2001 sibling.
we could've hired Paul Hogan or Angus Young to lend us some Aussie cred
for this episode, but what do we need them for when we've got Penfolds
making an appearance? We hope this little Australian tangent has been
as enjoyable as watching the delightful young ladies of the Eastland
School drive all the boys in Montmartre wild. Next week, we'll be back
in our same old set, with the same old wacky neighbor telling the same
old jokes to the same old laugh track.
Barossa Valley, McLaren Vale, Upper Adelaide, Padthaway.
Maturation: Matured in 12 months in older American Oak hogsheads