His blood ran cold at the sound - the raw, unearthly yowl that
seemed to issue forth from the leathery lungs of hell itself. Like a
profane chorus of demons screeching a symphony of damnation -
nah, that'll never do, it's crap. I can't let the quality of my
copywriting slip just because that new baby isn't letting us get any
sleep at night. Gotta give the rubes what they expect, right? Something
It's funny. Until you've actually felt it,
you always think it'd really hurt to have a hole drilled in your skull.
Well, it does. A lot. But the thing that gets you isn't so much the
pain - they have drugs for that - but the noise: the crunch of metal
grinding away bone, the whine of the motor, harmonizing into a
discordant buzz that keeps you awake long after the operation -
am I going with this? What does any of this have to do with a camera?
Maybe a fake news story'll do the trick. That's always easy.
ND - Constitutional experts are closely watching the courts here today,
as a local man petitions to be allowed to marry his beloved Kodak V803 8MP Digital
Camera. The marriage, if permitted, would be the first legal union
between a man and a camera in the United States in over 150 years.
Leon Vogel, 48, of Grand Forks says he just wants the same rights that non-camera-loving Americans enjoy. "When I met my Kodak V803 and saw its crisp, vibrant 8MP pictures," Vogel says, "I knew this was the camera I wanted to spend my life with. VGA video, a 3x optical zoom, a big 2.5" LCD - I just can't imagine living without it.
"If I say it's love, and my Kodak V803 says it's love, who is anybody else to say different?"
cultural conservatives say the marriage would set a dangerous
precedent. "What's next: people marrying scanners?" says Rev. Ward Dow
of the Church of Jesus Christ the Republican. "If tomorrow I decide to
go down to the courthouse with my toaster and my blender for some hot
three-way matrimonial appliance action, the court hassnml fjl.
Wha? Hmn? Oh, I musta fallen
asleep on my keyboard. Damn, sometimes I wish I had a nice, easy
vanilla copywriting job. It'd be boring, but at least I could do it in
my sleep. Ah, well, back to the writeboard...
A brand new Phil Collins and the first Nine Inch Nails,
The return of Kate Bush and James Brown went to jail
Acid House in full swing and the Pixies were fine
On New Year's Eve back in Nineteen Eighty Nine
Cinema Paradiso required some tissues
The Little Mermaid had some daddy issues
Cyborg was the worst thing that I'd ever seen
Back then on the 1989 movie screen
Mapplethorpe died and Dali did as well
Nick Cave wrote his book "And the Ass Saw the Angel"
Sakharov did as well and it was big news then
And of course in December The Simpsons began
We felt sadder
Then we lost Mel Blanc
The 90's were ragin'
But some people weren't changin'
In '89 they were stuck!
Wear this shirt: when you go to see the new Batman movie. Jack Nicholson will thank you.
Don't wear this shirt: if you plan on going back in time to 1989. Remember that it was the year of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Back To The Future Part II. People knew their time travel and you'll stick out like Dennis Rodman.
This shirt tells the world: "Girl, you know it's true."
We call this color: Nagel Blue
3X - M: 11.5" x 12.02"
S-WS: 8.62" x 9.01"
Sorry to be so abrupt, but we've got no time to chit-chat. If you want
this exquisite Schug Carneros Estate Winery three-pack - and if you
enjoy wine, you do - act fast. Like, now. If you dawdle, if you tarry,
if you delay, we can't promise anything.
It's not just
because it might sell out, although that's always a possibility with
wines this good. No, you need to buy before Walter Schug learns more
about Woot, realizes what kind of penny-ante rinky-dink outfit he's
gotten mixed up with, and severs all ties to Wine.Woot.
this is Walter Schug we're talking about. The guy who introduced Syrah
to California. The man responsible for California's first proprietary
Bordeaux-style blend. He started making wine in the Rhineland in 1953,
and spent the '70s making Joseph Phelps Vineyards a California
powerhouse with legendary vineyard-designated Cabernets. Then he
founded Schug Carneros Estate Winery in 1980, establishing an
impeccable reputation for classic winemaking values.
really want to be associated with a company whose most innovative
achievement is something called the Bag O' Crap? Did he move to
Carneros to indulge his passion for Chardonnay and Pinot Noir, only to
wind up sharing bandwidth with the Screaming Monkey?
not about to ask him. All we can do is keep our heads down and offer
these three instant classics while we can. They say the cool, marine
climate of Carneros does some amazing things for Pinot Noir and
Chardonnay, and these two bottles of those varietals each hold 750 mL
of supporting evidence.
We're especially jazzed about the Schug 2006 Sonoma Coast Chardonnay. See, Wine Spectator
named the 2005 Chardonnay the best white wine value in the world, and
we're thirsting to see if the '06 lives up to its reputation. If we
have to down glass after glass analyzing its brisk, bright fruit
flavors and buttery-smooth texture, well, that's a sacrifice we're
willing to make in the pursuit of knowledge.
excitement over the Chard isn't meant to take anything away from the
Schug 2006 Sonoma Coast Pinot Noir. Hard to believe this much robust
raspberry and cherry flavor can be had for a mere twentyish bucks a
bottle. Just goes to show you don't have to be rich to drink rich.
top of all this, it almost seems greedy to take a bottle of Schug 2003
"Heritage Reserve" Merlot. But we will. When we think about its smoky
cherry and coffee bouquet and its full-bodied cassis and chocolate
flavors, all thoughts of morality go out the window. We just want more,
Maybe Walter Schug won't get wise to the setup.
Maybe he'll be too busy maintaining the Schug standards of winecraft to
waste too much brainpower on a Mickey Mouse operation like us. But
maybe he won't. And maybe you better jump on this Schug Three-Pack
before the jig is up.