Cortina Trilby, supreme sovereign of the WonkerMedia blog empire,
sighed heavily. The irritation was writ plain on her face as she glared
around the conference table at the pathetic coterie of wastrels,
hangers-on, and limo-chasers that passed for "journalists" around here.
What had she done to be surrounded by such idiots? All she wanted was
some real dirt, some inside dish, some nasty facts to sling in the
faces of those who had the gall to succeed in creative fields that
Cortina herself hadn't been able to master. She'd been making them pay
on the Wonker blog for years now - and making them pay for her Upper
West Side penthouse. There was big money in the resentment of those
page-viewers who were just as enraged and useless as Cortina herself.
And she'd be damned if she was going to let this hapless herd of
stringers bungle away her sweet little earner. "What else?" she snapped.
uh, I was at this restaurant for lunch the other day and I spotted
Claire Danes scraping the chipotle mayo off of her portabello
sandwich," stammered a bespectacled staffer whose name Cortina never
bothered to learn. "She looked really ugly and stupid, ha ha."
"Pictures?" Trilby demanded.
"No, but -"
you've just been demoted to coffee boy," Trilby interrupted, with a
dismissive wave. "Run down to the first floor and get me the usual. No,
two usuals. What else do we have? Anything?"
Columbia grad spoke up over the sloshing sound of her exposed cleavage.
"The other night at Klub Dakau, I heard that the Compaq SR2170NX Desktop
that Woot's selling this week is actually a refurb. It's an open secret
in the industry. They've sold it before, and it's only $20 cheaper this
time. And get this - it runs Windows Vista. Let's destroy it!"
this be it? Could this be the hit piece that would soothe their boss's
ire? Mouths slightly open and brows up in anticipation, the apprentice
character assassins looked expectantly at Trilby.
hmm, hmm. I have one question. Are you congenitally stupid, or are you
trying to destroy me?" The Columbia grad's lower lip quivered and her
eyes watered, but Trilby wasn't finished. "You're talking about a
computer with an Intel 3Ghz processor, 1GB RAM, 160GB hard drive, DVD±RW drive, and a PCI-Express
slot for upgrading to a better video card. Where are our readers
supposed to find satisfaction in hating that, you idiot?"
humiliated stringer wept openly. Trilby offered her once chance to make
amends: "Now give me something good right this minute, or I swear to
God, we'll do an entire week of posts about that roll of fat under your
Grasping at salvation, the stringer suddenly
remembered something. "We had a mole at Dave Eggers' daughter's second
birthday party the other day. The kid was wearing this awful lime-green
baja and a pair of Dora the Explorer stretch pants. She looked hideous.
With thighs like hers, I'd lay off the cake."
"And...?" Trilby let the enigmatic question hang.
"We got pictures," the staffer confirmed in triumph.
it." The room erupted with cheers. The beast would be fed. Another
innocent life would be reduced to rubble and converted into page views.
Cortina Trilby walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows and looked out
over Manhattan, already hungry for the next kill.
Warranty: 90 days Compaq
Microsoft Windows Vista Home Basic pre-installed w/COA
Intel Pentium 4 3.0 GHz processor
1024 MB RAM (1 GB)
160 GB hard drive
DVD±RW Lightscribe drive
No floppy drive
ATI Radeon Xpress 1100 graphics
Integrated 10/100 Ethernet
Three (3) PCI slots(two available)
One (1) PCI Express x16 slot (available)
Two (2) DIMM sockets
Two 5.25-inch external bays (one available)
One external 3.5-inch bay (available)
One internal 3.5-inch bay (occupied)
Two (2) USB 2.0 ports (front)
One (1) Headphone in jack (front)
Two (2) PS/2 ports
One (1) 15-pin VGA port
Two (2) USB ports
RJ-45 Ethernet port
Got some updated prices? Click here and update them!
All huge flaming balls of superheated gas must come to an end, and our own pal Sol is no exception. We suppose this design is related to the Derby theme ("Night") because the flameout of our life-giving star would usher in an eternal night for us all. Close enough.
This shirt was designed by: Shirt.Woot user derekfilley. Goodness, gracious, great balls of Calvin.
Wear this shirt: to that one last killer party before our planet dies screaming.
Don't wear this shirt: to visit any solar system currently undergoing supernova. It's a touchy subject.
This shirt tells the world: "Whaddya mean, stars don't turn blue when they die? Have you ever watched it happen?"
(3) Armida Winery 2006 Poizin Sonoma County Zinfandel
Description: (click show to see it)
Sure, trick-or-treating is lots of fun - until you get out of middle
school. What's in it for the grownups? There's the joy of your own
children's excitement and wonder, and the neighborly pleasure involved
in sitting on your porch handing out treats to the local tots. But come
on. None of that compares to free candy.
This year, start
your own adult Halloween tradition with a seasonally-appropriate bottle
or three of Poizin from Armida Winery. This Sonoma County blend of
Zinfandel and Petite Sirah is bold, jammy, and fruit-forward enough to
satisfy the mature version of your candy cravings.
bottle on your porch and some plastic cups, and every parent in the
neighborhood will stop by. More than once, probably. If you're pulling
chaperone duty for a gaggle of trick-or-treaters and the going gets
grueling, keep in mind the rich, spicy raspberry and oak flavors
waiting for you at home. And if you don't have kids and aren't handing
out candy, let Poizin soothe your bitter feelings of loneliness and
isolation on Halloween night.
Of course, there are a lot of
other grown-up applications for Poizin around this time of year. So if
you order by Wednesday, October 17, we promise the winery will get you your Poizin
by next Friday, October 25 (except in Indiana, New Jersey, or Arizona),
just in time for Halloween weekend and the parties thereon. And if
you're too late for that, there's still time to start a new
Alcohol: 15 %
Total Acidity: 0.60g/100ml
Residual Sugar: Dry
Tasting Notes: Raspberries, dark cherries, currants, and a hint of brown spice pop out
of the glass. The mouth is ripe with fruit, balanced out with toasty
oak, and mild tannins. The finish lingers, leaving you wanting more