(1) Compaq Presario SR2170NX Desktop P4 3GHz, 1GB RAM, 160GB HD, DVD�RW, Vista Home OS
Description: (click show to see it)
When it's time to buy a new desktop PC, you'd do well to ask some
hard questions. Like, who are the "people" bemoaning the so-called "oil
peak" scam? How can oil "run out" when it's actually the "waste"
product of an underground "society" of reptiloid shape-shifters? Why do
they so mercilessly persecute those who see through their "rhetorical
fog" to the truth about the reptiloid intelligence controlling our
"world"? Funded by the Bilderberger cocaine-smuggling network and
coordinated by reptiloid agents at the highest levels of the "British"
royal family, this underworldly conspiracy is the "hidden hand" behind
instruments of stupefaction and seduction like pro football, Hooters
"restaurants", jazz music, and this Compaq Presario Desktop PC.
crazy, you say? And yet, I know for a fact that I and every other
prominent anti-reptiloid researcher possess IQs at least 27 points
above "genius" level. So who's crazy now? Since the reptiloids emerged
from their "Xzanadu" at the Earth's core and took control of nascent
human affairs (c. 3500 BCE), they have
relied on "supertechnology" imported from "Planet Q" to keep "humans"
in a state of slave-like "complacency". With its Intel 3Ghz processor,
1GB RAM, and 160GB hard drive, the Compaq Presario SR2170NX bears clear "birthmarks" of its alien origin. The DVD-RW drive and PCI-Express
slot seem benign "enough", until one realizes their "true" purpose: to
collect, synthesize, and weaponize the vital electrical energy of its
"human" hosts, for the benefit of the shape-shifting reptiloid
Willing dupes like Compaq push this "Trojan
computer" on unwitting college students with the clearly specious claim
that it's "great for back-to-school times". Thus is the next generation
weakened in its "defenses" against the reptiloid matrix-mind. The more
time our students spend downloading ponography, the less likely they'll
ask "uncomfortable" questions about the invisibility cloak devised by
Rand EMI Boeing, or the secret Masonic
"connection" between Timothy McVeigh and Boxcar Willie. "Hypnotized" in
their ignorance, they'll never learn about monatomic gold, the
supermetal that can alkalize their body chemistries thus bestowing
functional immortality and psychic "inoculation" against reptiloid
mind-control beverages (RC Cola, Michelob, "soy" milk). Parents, see
through their "lies" and ask "yourselves": what did the reptiloid
stooges at Compaq do to these computers when they were "refurbished"?
When your "student" takes the Compaq Presario SR2170NX into the "dorm room", are they unwittingly carrying the "further" enslavement of "humanity"?
It's the most important map of the day. Plot a course for nourishment with this cartographically delicious breakfast - or, as we say in south St. Louis, brefdist. You'll be the toast of th- no, no, we can't go through with that pun. We're better than that. Sorry we still don't have any shirts bigger than 2XL, but we figure you 3XL types already know your way around a hearty breakfast.
This shirt was designed by: swedishchef1, who survived a brutal free-for-all to swipe the Derby #4 crown by a single vote. We suspect he isn't actually Swedish. We are unable to confirm his chef status at press time.
Wear this shirt to: disorient your orienteering opponents. Don't wear this shirt to: lunch or dinner.
This shirt tells the world: "I don't know where I'm going, but I know what I ate."
(2) C&T Cellars 2005 Rooftop Red Cabernet Sauvignon
(2) C&T Cellars 2006 Skinny Dip Sauvignon Blanc
Description: (click show to see it)
Dearest Martha -
We hauled in our biggest catch yet
today. As the cod flopped around on deck in their hordes, one stared up
at me with baleful silver eyes, struggling for breath yet somehow at
peace. I even detected a flash of sardonic wit somewhere behind its
mask of fishy complacency. It reminded me of you.
lately, everything reminds me of something back home in Napa. Remember
those bottles of C&T Cellars wine I brought along, to pass the long
lonely hours trawling the rugged Alaska seacoast? Oh, wait, that's
right: I took them without telling you. Sorry. Consider it payback for
that time you ate my last Toaster Streudel. Anyway, each bottle has
been a treasured companion as I seek my fortune at sea. With each sip,
I could practically see young Trent Moffett pounding out the vintage,
just like his folks taught him at Livingston Moffett. Good lad, that
one. He's got a good woman in Colleen, too. They'll go far.
popped open the first bottle of C&T Cellars 2005 Rooftop Red Cabernet
Sauvignon at sunrise, before a hard day's fish. (You'll recall that the
ability to drink wine while working was the main reason I took this
fishing job.) Its deep, dark fruit and spice aromas danced with the
last evanescent ghosts of the vanishing night, while the big, juicy
mouth of ripe blackberries and black cherries harmonized perfectly with
the flinty Northern dawn. Didn't do much for my chronic seasickness,
though. I suppose we none of us ever really own the things we consume -
we just rent them.
The other bottle of Rooftop Red was the
subject of heated contention one late night below decks. The salty old
seahands and I were gathered around the barrel for the nightly game of
Slapjack. Cappy, short of funds, threw one of his prized bronze
water-wings into the pot. Well, Chappy (different guy) had also opened
his pay envelope to the good-time girls of Juneau, and was similarly
skint of liquid funds. So he anted up a 1974 Topps Tom Hilgendorf in NM
condition. All I had close to hand was that second bottle of Rooftop
Red, with its well-balanced fruit and long finish. Slow to slap, I lost
the hand, and the bottle. But fortune smiled the next day when both
Chappy and Cappy were lost overboard in the face of a savage
nor'easter. Yes, I reclaimed my Rooftop Red. Dead men drink no wine.
But I tipped a little out for them.
An altogether different
mood surrounded my first bottle of C&T Cellars 2006 Skinny Dip
Sauvignon Blanc. Bounding along the frothy main, the catch plentiful,
the sun grinning stonedly down upon us, we passed around the bottle
like the buccaneers' grog of yore. Bright and acidic without burning a
hole in your gut, its well-structured, citrusy palate was sunshine in a
bottle. We sang like the Village People, in lusty praise of this divine
nectar. Then Clappy (different guy again) took inspiration from both
its name and its mood-altering powers, and stripped down to the skin
for a mid-day swim! Caught in the merriment of the mood, we all freed
ourselves from the bonds of our clothing and jumped in. In retrospect,
it was actually pretty gross, all those nude fishermen splashing
around. But what did we care on that glorious afternoon?
don't remember much about the other bottle of Skinny Dip. I downed the
whole thing in two or three swigs after a fishhook lodged itself in my
eye. It's a good thing I was born with two.
Aye, it's a
rough life out here among the whitecaps, and the battle with Demon Cod
never ceases. But those four bottles of C&T Cellars wine tethered
my heart and my tongue to sweet home Napa. To be sure, I ache with
longing for you; but even more so for more C&T Cellars. Don't take
it personally, my darling. If you'd ever had to make do with Alaskan
wine, you'd understand.
C&T Cellars 2005 Rooftop Red Cabernet Sauvignon
Harvest Date: October 4th - 19th
Blend: 75 % Cabernet Sauvignon, 16% Merlot and 9% Cabernet Franc